fragile | jelix

chapter 26

"what happened to you?!" jack near enough shouted when i climbed in through the window and limped over to the chair near his bed. i was quite injured from being beaten up the day before. i had cuts and bruises all over my arms, legs and face. my lip was bust, i had a black eye and a limp. every time i took a step it was pure agony. i had considered not even going to see jack on that day because of it, but i hadn't seen him in so long, and i didn't want to wait another day.

"i got beat up. you know, the usual." i tried making a joke to add some levity to the situation but it didn't work and instead i received an even more concerned expression from jack.

"when?!" he was pretty much shouting now. i was beginning to grow worried that his parents would hear and go up to him, only to find me in his room. that wouldn't go down very well.

"yesterday after school. but it's no big deal." i replied in a hushed tone, hoping he would copy. he didn't.

"not a big deal? how is it not a big deal?! did you fight back?" i shook my head. i never fought back. i couldn't beat them, i was just a weak, scrawny kid who had absolutely no idea how to defend himself.

"you should fight back felix. you should always fight back! how often does this happen?"

"every once in a while. it's not an every day thing."

"still...you should defend yourself." i shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.

"how? how the hell am i meant to defend myself against three jocks who's idea of fun is lifting weights? tell me how that would work." when i told him that, a wave of realisation and understanding seemed to wash over him.

"well...you have a point i guess." finally, he wasn't shouting, and i wasn't worried about his parents storming in his room to see if he was ok.

"if it makes you feel any better, i'd hug you right now if it wasn't a death trap." he said. i looked up at him and gave him a weak smile, appreciating his comment.

"thanks. that does make me feel better." i knew the one thing that would make me feel even better was if he would actually come and give me a hug. but i knew it wouldn't happen. because, like he said, it would be a death trap. i didn't want to hurt him, i didn't even want to come close to hurting him. somebody so weak and fragile as him, he'd be crushed if he got hugged. if he had been in my situation the day before, he would have been dead within a few seconds. and it sounds horrible, but i kind of envied that. because it was always in those moments, when i was being spat on, hit, punched, kicked, screamed at, insulted and belittled, that i would lay there and think about how i wanted to die more than anything else in the world, more than live to see another day.