Warrior Cat OC Rater (Closed for catch up)

EmptyTounge

This is OC belongs to _NebulaSky_. Check out her OC book it you want to see pictures of them, because I didn't know how get the photos.

And sorry this took so long! I was planning to do it sooner, then I got caught up with the holidays and I just had 6 projects. Okay, enough of the introduction. On to the ratings!

Name: EmptyTounge
Well, that's an interesting name. Kind of scary, but very original. 5/5

Past Names: EmptyKit, EmptyPaw
Makes sense 5/5

Name Reason: Her mother named her EmptyKit because of because of her pure black pelt. She was going to be EmptyFur, but then the 'accident' happened. She became blind and mute, and because of her muteness, then got her medicine cat name as EmptyTounge.
Overall the name makes sense but I do wonder why the mother chose to name her 'Empty' for her black pelt, instead of something nicer/more common. Like Spider, Black, Night, etc. Also, if she's named after her injuries, maybe consider renaming her all together, like how Brightpaw became Lostface. Just a suggestion, but from what I understand in the backstory, her brother injured her vocal cords not her actual tongue, so maybe her name could be Emptythroat, or Lostsong for her voice being lost, or something like that. Idk you can just ignore me, it's your OC 4/5

Appearance: She is a large black cat covered in scars. This poor she-cat is blind and mute, with scars in respected areas around her face and chest. Her fur looks ungroomed and has quite a few random white hairs in it. She has no eyes.
Oooooh. Spooky. I like the detail of the white hairs and ungroomed fur. I would like to know her original eye color though and maybe some more details about her fur. Smooth or Greasy? Rough or soft? 9/10

Gender: She cat
Cool

Age: 72 Moons
A nice ripe age. A rarity since most people have younger Ocs 5/5

Personality: Aggressive, Protective of young cats, Always willing to fight.
Was she always aggressive, or did she become that way after the 'Accident'? I think it's interesting that she likes young cats though. Personally I hate kits and if I was aggressive, that would probably annoy me even more. You could add a couple more traits in personality though, since right now it's seems like a base to me. 6/10

Sexuality: Asexual
Noice.

Clan: Usually Skyclan (if using the original 4 clans), but in any RP, the Clan that lives in the trees.
By 'Clan that live in the trees' do you mean whatever RP Clan has a forest territory? 10/10

Rank: Forced Medicine cat
Makes sense with the backstory, but the "Forced to be a Medicine cat because of injuries" is a little cliche. 4/5

Mother: ScaleEyes- A shiny black she cat with large, glassy Amber eyes
Maybe you could substitute 'Shiny' for 'Glossy'. Not a huge difference, but Glossy sounds more natural than Shiny to me. I do like the description of her eyes though. Overall it's pretty short though, so maybe make it a little more detailed.

Father: Owlstrike- A brown Tom with white tabby markings and bicolored green and yellow eyes.
Similar to ScaleEyes it's pretty short. Some extra detail would be nice, though I like the basic appearance. Is it weird I imagine him as a ticked tabby?

Brother: Split- Half black, Half ugly brown brown with some tabby markings and green and amber eyes.
I like him being a chimera cat, and the 'Ugly brown' detail is nice too. Altogether makes sense with the Mother and Father, but again, it's a little short.
Total family score is 7/10

Crush: Different in every RP, but usually a quiet reserved Tom that helps out in the medicine cats den.
Not much to say here, but I like that she seems to have a type 5/5

Mate w/ Description: N/A
No mate, so that's an automatic full score 5/5

Kits w/ Description: N/A
Same as Mate 10/10

Backstory: She was born in (Example)Clan, to ScaleEyes and OwlStrike. She had a brother, Splitkit (more info on him in his chapter, including looks). Needless to say, ever since she was born, she was a perfect and beautiful Mary Stu. She was perfect at anything she tried, the first time. Her brother was always jealous and unattached to her. When they became apprentices, EmptyPaw got to be the Leader's apprentice. SplitPaw became BadgerStone's apprentice (which was bad because, everyone knew that BadgerStone was backstabbing, kit eating, lazy foxheart). After about halfway through their apprenticeship, SplitPaw got insanely jealous. During a fighting training session together, his jealousy turned to rage and hate. He attacked her for real, and tried to kill her. All he could do, though, was blind and mute her. He had torn at her throat, just in the wrong place. He was driven off to live as a rouge. EmptyPaw stayed in the Medicine den, recovering, for over four moons. Then she was forced to train as a Medicine cat by MintFeather. As she finished her training, she was named EmptyTounge because of her muteness.
To be honest I thought your twist on a Mary Sue was pretty interesting, though again, it could be a bit longer. Since I'm reviewing Split too, I'll save my comments about him for later. I do think maybe you could make her relationship with SplitPaw more detailed though. Like, did she try to be friends with him at first, or did she think she was better than him. Was she even aware of how he felt? Also, maybe she bullied him, or boasted a lot, to make him hating her more believable. 17/20

Total: Your total is 92/105! Overall, I think this OC has a lot of potential, but needs to be fleshed out a little more. Who were her friends as an apprentice? What's her favorite food? What does she like to do in her free time? That sort of thing. Little details that help your character feel a lot more realistic.