Warrior Cat OC Rater (Closed for catch up)

Hollystorm

This Oc belongs to @iielysianx
____________________

Name ~ Hollystorm
Lovely name

Past names ~ Hollykit, Hollypaw
Makes sense

Name reason ~ ~ Prefix: Holly for her light golden-brown pelt
I'm not sure how Holly relates to light golden brown, is it the color of the bark??
Also if she's a Siamese her pelt would be closer to cream and beige than golden brown. Btw guys it's okay to say their mother/father just liked the prefix 😂

Suffix: Storm for her unpredictable temper, but her strong and fierce nature.
Good reasoning

Description ~ An abnormally tall Siamese she-cat.
I love me some tall cats 💅

Her pelt is mostly cream, but she has a dark brown face, paws, and tail. Her ears are cream as well. She has some scars on her torso from various fights with other cats. Her eyes are a deep jade-green with amber flecks. 
A pretty good description, the only thing I think is that you could go even more in detail with size of ears/tail/paws, fur density/sheen, claw color, etc. that's just if you want to really go in depth though. Also I looove the eye color

Gender ~ Female
👍

Age ~ 33 moons
Young but not juvenile

Personality ~ Very proud, bold, and fierce. She doesn't back down from any argument or battle. She would risk her life for her Clan, but her impulsive comments often get her in trouble.
Lively, I like it. I'd like a bit more about her though

Sexuality ~ Bisexual
👀✨

Clan ~ IvyClan
Hm, would be nice if there was some information about it *cough* like it says in the form *cough*

Rank ~ Warrior
👍

Mate ~ N/A, but she has a huge crush on Blizzardwing.
K

Kits ~ N/A
Makes sense

Family ~ ~
Mother: Tawnycloud, a pretty calico she who sadly passed away.
Love the name but this needs way more description, it doesn't even have an eye color listed

Father: Jag, a large light brown rogue tom with similar cream markings to Hollystorm.
More description (is he a Siamese mix??)

Sister: Poppystrike, a small calico she with black ears and paws. Doesn't look anything like Hollystorm.~
I really like her name too but she needs more description like her mom

Half-brother: Adderpaw, a tall ginger tom with the same eyes as Hollystorm. The two have the same mom, but different fathers. Adderpaw is known for being very kind and gentle, like his mother.
I like him 😍 But still need more description! Also I hope I get to find out who is father is. Also also, since he's also listed as tall that must mean their shared mother is tall or she has tall family members.

Friends ~ ~  Blizzardwing: A beautiful blue gray she-cat with light blue eyes. ~
More description plz. I'd like to know how big or small she is and what her fur is like.

Brackenflight: A black and white tuxedo tom with yellow eyes.
Oo I've never seen Bracken- used for a black and white Tom before. But also more description

Backstory ~ As a kit, Hollystorm was teased for being half-clan, with an unknown rogue father.
I was gonna say something but I guess if there weren't any toms in the clan that look like Hollystorm they would know it was a rogue father.

But was Poppystrike bullied with her sister? They do have the same father

She developed a very bold and outgoing personality, not afraid to stand up for herself or others. Her impulsive, bold comments usually get her into trouble.
She reminds me of someone... I think her personality makes sense with her circumstances though

Hollystorm has endured abuse and trauma from her rogue father, Jag.
Excuse me what

Jag took Applestar's last life, leaving Nightstar as the leader, who chose the bold, brave, loyal Hollystorm to be the new IvyClan deputy.
Ah, but if she's deputy why was her rank listed as a Warrior

Hollystorm plans to lead the Clan to the best of her ability, and make sure every cat is protected and cared for.
A proper deputy then

Review: Okay, then! Imma be honest, I was skeptical of this Oc at the beginning, but as I got through the form I began to really like her! She's interesting and I think there's potential with her, but their are a few things that can be ironed out.

Descriptions
Hollystorm's description was pretty good but the rest of the cats mentioned in the form need a much more detailed description. I would also lengthen Hollystorm's like I mentioned just to get a clearer picture of her. Also, I would consider playing around with the colors on her mother and sister since "calico" can mean a lot of things and is also kind of boring by itself. If you figure out what colors you want specifically and then where you want them on the character you description will be much better.

Backstory
The backstory was mostly good, except for that random throw away line about Holly enduring abuse from her father?? Like, I want that to be way cleared up because it wasn't mentioned in the beginning and there's no explanation for how he abuses her or why she even met him, etc. You should also go back and include the relationship of Holly with her mother and sister and also her friends and crush. I would also like to know more about Jag and his attack of Applestar, as well as why she was chosen for deputy (close with Nightstar, he recognized her skills, popular with the clan, etc.). One more thing! Include her relationship with her half brother Adderpaw and who ja father is and if she noticed him getting close with her mother before.

FINALLY DONE. I'm sorry for the long wait, I just got caught up with school when it started and then I couldn't find the time for this and slowly started losing interest.... But no more! Since I have two weeks off for Christmas/New Year's break I'm hoping to rate more Ocs and make up for lost time!

Thank you @iielysianx for entering Hollystorm, she was wonderful to rate! See you all next time- ✨