Warrior Cat OC Rater (Closed for catch up)

Crowscar

This Oc belongs to SpringAndTheWing

Name: Crowscar
Alright, it's a bit unusual!

Past name: Crow
Past loner?

Name reason: (Crow) he has mostly dark grey fur. (Scar) he has two very noticeable scars.
Okay, it makes sense, but personally I hate naming cats after their disabilities/injuries. Maybe consider changing it to something that says how he got those scars like "claw, fang, strike" that kind of thing :)

Appearance: he is lean and scrawny, and has dark grey fur and brown paws that blend into the grey, he has yellow eyes and a big muzzle, he has a scar that goes over his spine, he has another that is jagged and goes from his chin down his throat and front chest.
Ooh, those scars sound pretty cool. I like the added detail of him having a big muzzle and brown paws.

Gender: male
Yup

Age: at death he is 26 moons
WHOAH. What happened to him!?

Personality: he is sarcastic with those he knows, otherwise he is reserved and likes to sink into the background, you may not notice him but he most certainly noticed you! He's pretty much a jerk and it takes a lot to get to know him.
Wow, sounds like a great cat XD

Sexuality: straight
Kk

Clan: Blizzardbend, it's not a clan,  they eat salmon, perch snowy owls, rabbits and mice. They live where the ground is almost always covered with snow. The rules are the same. The founders are: Blizzardwing and Bendwhisker.
Bendy- (JK) Anyways, if they're not a clan what are they? And it sounds like they live in the tundra so how did Crow get all the way out there?

Rank: Leader.
Uh, he died at 26 so he's ridiculously young to be a leader at any point in his life
formerly a Helper (they are like therapists and counselors, they help cats who have depression, disorders and mental illnesses, they also help the medicine cats and they hunt)
That's a cool fricken rank

Kin-
Mother: Whisker, a loner who is short and has small paws, she has long black fur and amber eyes. She's alive
Cute. And is there a reason she's named Whisker? Her long fur maybe?

Father: Amberfur, a handsome, tall light ginger tom, he has dark amber eyes and block paws. Deceased.
Oooh, he sounds handsome. I'm guessing that's why Crow came to the "Clan"

Littermate: Lynx, a pale ginger she-cat with small paws and amber eyes, dead
NUUU SHES SO CUTE

Crush: Springstalker, a tall, short haired she-cat with black spots on her paws and a black spot on her shoulder. Dead.
Wow, he has a lot of dead people in his life... other than that- OMIGOSH ITS YOU!! But what's her pelt color beside the black spots? Also, eye color?

Mate: none
Makes sense

Kits: none
Kk

Mentor: Thistlefern, a pale brown tabby tom with light yellow eyes. Alive
Oooh, cute name. I'm really liking this clan rn

Apprentices: Grazefeather, Blackpaw
Graze in an interesting prefix.

I'm guessing BlackPAW because he died, right?

Friends: Springstalker (description above in crush) to be honest she is the only one he ever considered his best friend (Warrior/helper).
Aw, cute!

Swanfeather, a tall tom with a long thick neck, short fur and green eyes, he has pure white fur and a diamondish shape on his neck, he also has a ripped off ear, (medicine cat).
Shouldn't he be a "helper" instead of a med. cat? But I really like his description

Mangowhisker, a cream she-cat with stripes of light cream on her legs, she has yellow-amber eyes and is short with a long muzzle, (she can talk to dogs).
How did she get the prefix Mango? Former Kittypet or loner, because based on where they live they wouldn't ever see a mango in there life.
Also, for some reason the "can talk to dogs" seems like a cliche and random trait to make an OC more interesting....

Blizzardwing, a she-cat who is Springstalkers twin, (sooooo her design is literally the same as Springstalkers) (warrior)
Makes sense. Is she alive?

Bendwhisker, a pure black, tall glossy tom with short hair and a big head, (Helper).
WAIT. Bend and Blizzard are the founders of this "clan" so how new is it???? Is his father from a different, actual clan maybe?

Also, what is Bendwhisker's eye color?

Backstory: he was born a loner on the outskirts of WindClan territory, his mother abandoned them after they were weaned (Cliche, I know, but I love him!)
It is cliche XD Why does everyone have to have a horrible parent? How about you change it to, she couldn't take care of them because she had no milk, or she thought it'd be safer for them there. Also, what about his dad? He's obviously a Clan cat so did he ever know him?
he lived as a loner, when he turned eleven moons RiverClan invited him to join them, they used him as a spy
Uh, what? It says he lived as a loner but how would he be a spy if he wasn't in WindClan??
(he thought it was normal) and an assassin until he earned his warrior name and two WindClan cats
BRUH. Is he stupid? How is being used as a spy and and ASSASSIN ever considered normal? I'm pretty sure when clans take in a loner/Kittypet they drill in the warrior code and how to act 🙄(Mangopaw and Springpaw) found out about him, they helped him escape RiverClan (RiverClan came as close to torturing him as possible so he hated them)
How exactly were they torturing him? They are cats... Unless they were actually injuring him how would he explain that to the Medicine cat? And how could he not just walk out after realizing they were wrong?
and he then sank into the background until he joined Mangopaw, Swanfeather, Springpaw and Bendpaw friend group.
Uh, nice? He wasn't already in there friend group?
He also went on the journey to save the clans.
Okay, nice I guess. Wait, you mean on the journey like with the prophecy cats? Did he take Crowpaw's place? 😂 Okay, but seriously there's some issues with that.

Other: he's a psychic and he never wanted to become leader. He killed died in a fight with wolves. He was also fighting suicidal thoughts.
Uh, he's a physic how? If he's a physic how was he used by the RiverClan cats? He could've just read their intentions. And why was he suicidal? AND HOW DID HE BECOME LEADER??!

Review: Uh, wow okay so Crowscar. Um, it was pretty good up until... The backstory and him being a leader... XD I'm sorry but 26 is WAY too young to have that kind of power.. Anyways the backstory was very simple and doesn't explain how he became leader or how he helped form the "clan" he friends founded, or anything like that. It did throw in a random thing about him being manipulated by RiverClan, though I don't think that really added anything to his character. I think there's other ways he could've joined Springpaw's friends group. Honestly I still have loads of questions about his new clan and stuff, so I'd just get rid of the RiverClan, leader, physic, and journey things. Maybe make the "clan" already existing, and his friends are actually distant relatives to the founders as opposed to the actual founders. Going along that plot line I'd say his mother brought him and his sister to their father and that's how they were accepted into the clan. Oh, yeah and his sister was never explained either. Where was she this whole time?Did she die as a Kit or something? Anyways, I know I basically just re-invented Crowscar, but you did say he was an old Oc so I figured I could take some liberties XD. Oh, also I'd like to know more about how Blizzardbend works and his relationships.

I hope you liked my advice! :D