Shadowstar

184 4 16
                                    

This Oc belongs to @CougarheartWarrior

Name: Shadowstar
Just gonna say now, both parts of this name are kind cliche... and it's a canon name so :b

Past names: Shadowkit, Shadow, Shadowpaw, Shadowstar
Uh, warrior name? Do we have a 10 moon old leader?

Name reason: pelt blends into dark shadows
Ok, makes sense but kind of basic

Appearance: skinny black she-cat with sleek fur, gray paws, muzzle, and tail tip. Right ear is torn, and a long scar across her muzzle. She has bright amber eyes that look almost eerie.
Her description is fine

Gender: Female/she-cat
As I assumed

Age: 27 moons, I guess
Waaaaay too young for leader. I consider adding 10 more moons or so before becoming deputy/leader.

Personality: very protective over her friends and loved ones, sometimes rude and snappy, clever and sly. She is very brave, her only fear is being defeated. Easily annoyed by others, and eager to learn, ambitious
Hmm... something about her personality seems cliche for some reason... I think it's the "only fear" thing. You can't be telling me she isn't scared of ANYTHING but defeat?

I would consider adding more traits though

Clan: Was PineClan, then a loner, then PineClan again.
Uh, okay. I'm interested to see how that plays out
PineClan lives in a big pine forest (obviously) and usually eat squirrels and crows, sometimes frogs. They have the same rules as other Clans.
Sounds like a solid clan.

Rank: Kit, Apprentice, Leader. (yes I know she wasn't a warrior or deputy before she became leader but I'll explain that later)
Better make it a good explanation! 🤨

Kin:
Father is Snakefang, a tan tom with darker stripes and large ears, and his two front fangs are unusually long and stick out of his mouth. Dark, pine-green eyes.
His description is pretty good XD

Mother is Breezewhisper, a white she-cat with dark gray dapples and a long, fluffy tail. She has dark amber eyes.
The appearance is a bit basic, but overall is fine

Siblings: Owlscreech, a brown tom with large ears, a dark brown stripe along his back, and bright green eyes.
Again, pretty simple but I works with the parents

Blackpelt, a jet-black tom with a white underbelly and long, tangled fur. He has a scar across his shoulder and yellow eyes.
I think the name is a bit boring and too similar to Shadowstar's, no offense. Maybe name his something to go with his white underbelly or yellow eyes.

Crush: first crush was Dapple, a fluffy pale light brown tom with dark brown dapples and yellow eyes.
A rouge? Makes sense she was also one for a bit. And I like his appearance

Then, she had a crush on Foxbite, a dark ginger tabby tom with pine-green eyes, and covered in battle scars. His paws are a dark brown color.
Reminds me of Rownclaw 😝

Mate: Foxbite, a dark ginger tabby tom with pine-green eyes, and covered in battle scars. His paws are a dark brown color.
Yup

Kits: Shadowstar had no kits, because she was barren.
Well, she's also pretty young so I find it odd they confirmed her as barren already. Eh, I guess she is almost 30, but I just figured she'd be busier than trying to have kits. Also, could they not adopt?

Mentor:  Pinetail, a brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes. 
Very simple but I can see her clearly. Try adding a little more detail though

Warrior Cat OC Rater (Closed for catch up)Where stories live. Discover now