Warrior Cat OC Rater (Closed for catch up)

Wavedancer

This Oc belongs to @rosiebella47
______________________

(I'm trying out the border thing so tell
me if it's bad or not XD

Name: Wavedancer
Oh, that's pretty unique!

Past Names: Splotchkit, Splotchpaw
Interesting...

Name Reason: WAVE: As an apprentice, almost warrior, she had saved a queen, Fallowleap, from a tsunami. Her leader said she looked like she was riding the waves thst nature hadn't brought.
Oh, ok that's a nice meaning.
I don't know if the name change is really necessary though

DANCER: She is very majestic and knows very beautiful tricks while swimming.
Hm, majestic sound Mary Sue-ish and I'm not sure what "beautiful tricks" is. You could change it to her just being graceful/good at swimming

Appearance: A blue-gray she with lighter patches, and gray spots to make the splotches appear as parches that were nailed on.
"Parchers that were nailed on" ...okay

Also, what her fur length? Body type? Eye color? (People seem to forget this a lot :/) It needs to be more detailed overall

GENder: She-cat
:b

Age: 29 Moons
Kind of young still

Personality: Wave is a very calm but brave cat. She goes with the flow (unintentional pun), and does everything she's told.
Like, literally everything? Or I'd she just a huge follower?
But at times, she can be impatient. She tries to work past thst point, though.
Kind of a common personality trait, but I guess almost everyone is impatient. Besides that, she's a little boring right now so consider expanding it

Sexuality: Straight
Ok

Clan: RiverClan(But all with OC's)
Nice Clan

Rank: Secondary - Up to ten cats can be this role. These are warriors who are respected and the first picks for deputy. But they also fill in for deputy, or assist.
It's cool that there's an extra rank, but to me it doesn't seem important enough to be an actual rank, unless they have special duties all the time, and there's less of them. Maybe more like 5 trusted cats instead of ten, and most of them are senior warriors. She seems kind of young to be in that position already

Kin: Mother-Cloudwing(a white She with darker stripes)
I'm not even gonna bother with anything but "detail"

Father-Sealswim(A gray tom with blue-gray patches)
Detail

Brother-Tidetail(A white tom with a blue-gray, black and gray tail)
Actually, I like this one enough to give it a real critique. I think his design could have some spots around his hips, face, and paws as well, to make it more interesting. He also should have an eye color, so hazel might work with the Tide theme (tide pools, lots of colorful animals, hazel eyes, you see where I'm going with this?)

Crush: Nope
Ok, then XD

Mate: Hawkwhisper, a brown tom with a pale white underbelly and tabby markings with amber eyes, from ThunderClan
Ah, the cliched forbidden love Interest

Kits: Bluekit(a blue gray tom with green eyes)
Detail, but at least he has eye color

Cloverkit(a grey She with white stripes and pretty blue eyes)
Nice, but maybe more detail on the fur and stuff

The kits remind me of Bluestar in more than one way.
1. From RiverClan the clan of her forbidden mate, and the kits forbidden-mate-father is from her clan; ThunderClan

2. Blue-gray she-cat (with blue-grey kits) and a brown tabby Tom are mates

3. All the kits conveniently look like there mother so you can't identify the father (in the backstory it says she actually gave them to the dad like Bluestar so why can nobody figure out the obvious?! XD)

Backstory: Born to Cloudwing and Sealswim, life was great for her first three moons.
Ok then

She had a great relationship with her brother, nothing could go wrong.
That's nice

But, her father, being a secondary, was favored by Weedstar, and was going to be RiverClan's future deputy and leader.
"Was" But good for him anyways!

But Gorsegaze, another secondary, couldn't let that happen.
Oh, of course. Trusted by the deputy but ends up evil and power-hungry

She'd killed Sealswim, and then blamed Cloudwing for doing so.
BIOTCH-

After a moon of thinking, Cloudwing was exiled from the clan
Excuse me what? They really believed his mate with their 3 Moon old son and daughter would kill her mate? I wanna know exactly how they came to that conclusion

and when Splotchkit became an apprentice, the clan fell under Gorsestar's evil era.
The leader just suddenly died? Or did Gorsegaze kill them too?

When a tsunami hits the clan, she saves a queen that Gorse had wanted to be killed.
Why! Is she the mate of someone who crossed her? Gorsegaze is pretty goddamn evil to attempt murder on a pregnant queen

She gets renamed, and life falls back into place.
Ok, but it seems a little weird to me that Gorsestar gave her a new awesome name, unless she thought it was some kind of omen

But she meets Hawkwhisper at a gathering, and it soon becomes a love at first sight romance.
NOOOO. If you can't tell I hate the "love-at-first-sight" trope.

It wasn't long before the two met in secret, and Wavedancer found the tom her only escape from her tortuous clan.
He's like her own personal brand of heroin :0 (Yes, I am shoving a Twilight reference down your throat....)

Don't do drugs kids

As more and more moons go by, Wavedancer has kits.
Why? Why in the world would they do this? Bad kitties!

But she's already gotten Gorsestar's favor and could become a secondary.
Interesting. Does she know her mother didn't kill her father?

There was no other cat in the clan she could trust to keep this secret and say they were the father.
Oof

So, In hopes of becoming a secondary, she sends her two kits away with their father, who had claimed ShadowClan abandoned them on ThunderClan border.
IM TELLING YOU. BLUESTAR

But besides that, how did she explain the missing kits? I mean- she was pregnant so...

Wavedancer only hopes to see her kits and mate on day at a gathering, and as a secondary, she hopes to be leader, to bring RiverClan back to justice, and bring her sweet kits back home.
All good plans I'd say. But how does she plan to get her ThunderClan kits back to RiverClan without revealing herself and her secret mate?

Review: Okay, so Wavedancer! I think she's got a good base, but like a lot of Ocs on here, she needs more detail. Most notably on appearances, backstory, and personality. Her appearance is a little lacking (and with grammatical errors that make it hard to understand) so you should try to make it more legible with eye color, body type, and fur type! (Same with the rest of the cats in her form too!)
Her personality was a little short, so that could be longer and more detailed (I suck at personality myself so sorry my advice is bad XD). Moving on! Backstory time~ The backstory actually makes sense to me, I think even though it's not super detailed it focuses on the important parts, and the little throw away lines about her family relations and how she met her mate are nice and help flesh out the character more even if it's not in depth. Back on that though, when you go back and lengthen the backstory, those lines from before can be the base for more detailed writing about her relationships and such (it said she was close with her brother so you could say how they worked through their fathers death and mothers banishment together. If she trusts him that much, he should also know about the father of her kits). I also want you to know more about her apprenticeship, why her mother was banished (the evidence), how the leader died, why Gorsestar let her become a Secondary, more detail about how she fell in love with Hawkwhisper, and how she got her kits out of RiverClan! That's all I can really think of, so hope you like my advice :)