The world around me changed

Chapter Five

Suicide should not be judged. People who have attempted to commit suicide should not be judged. You don't know their situation.

Many situations are useless, like your mom shouting at you. But some are serious. Like rape, you will relive the incident every day of your life. And it will kill you inside. Until you think it's better to be dead.

"Miss Whitney are you okay?" a voice said. I think I moaned.

"I'm glad you are awake. You're in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?" But they didn't wait for me to say anything.

They went on. "You attempted to commit suicide with a toxic chemical. Fortunately the warden saw you and you were rushed to the hospital.
You're pregnant and you're lucky the poison didn't kill your child, but it might have caused damage to the fetus."

Damn. I realised that I was alive. Damn.

The nurse was still talking. So many details, I just woke up and he was there talking too much.

My head felt heavy when I lifted it. The nurse took the hint and adjusted my bed so I was a little higher. My family was there. My parents, aunt Suzan and aunt Zukia. My mom grabbed my palm and kissed it.

She started to thank Jesus that I was alive.

My dad asked "who is the father?" I ignored him and pretended as if I didn't hear him. I nearly died and he wants to be a man. If I had the energy to roll my eyes, I would have.  I'm sure he'd hit me in front of the nurse.

"Can you all go? I just want to talk to aunt Zukia. Please," I said. 

Dad looked at me like I've grown another head. He was about to speak when aunt Suzan stood and pushed them all out.

Mom was moaning about how she is my mother and she should get to stay. Funny how she didn't act like my mother when she had the chance. But then it was just Aunt Zukia and I.

"I went to a party. I was with friends. And then this guy offered me his company. And he poured me a glass of wine. I can't remember anything after that. He spiked it."

I could barely breathe, but I carried on and Aunt Zukia held my hand. "I woke up in the morning naked. I think he..." but I couldn't  say that word.  Cause how could it have happened to me.

"Shhh, it's okay love. I'm right here. I understand what happened." She said

She hugged me closely and I just cried. Aunt Zukia was like a sister to me, I used to tell her everything and she even knew about my first kiss in primary.

I think I should have told her about my friends and maybe she could have warned me to stay away from them.

She was crying too. "You should have told me the moment it happened."

She was right, for the first time ever my memory was not working , how could I ever forget aunt Zukia . I wouldn't stay a week without talking to her.  But nowadays I could stay more than three months . I forgot that she even existed.

"I'm sorry, it's just that there's so much that has been going on. It never crossed my mind to talk to you."

"Are you ready to tell your parents?" she asked.

"No!" I yelled with my eyes wide open.

I knew my dad would call me a liar. And then he'd hit me like he always did. I told her not to tell them, and that I'll tell them the moment I was ready.

Eventually my parents came back in. Mom immediately saw my swollen eyes. She asked why I was crying and I told her that I was very disappointed with my actions that have led me to the pregnancy. 

"Mama I want to abort," I said.

"Nuna that's why I am here. To support you. I will take care of your child." She said.

We then agreed that the family mustn't know about my pregnancy.

I was glad that she was finally supporting me. She promised to bail me out.

My bail hearing finally came and I was free. We drove home quietly.

My mom broke the silent by asking if I was going back to school the following day or I'd stay few days at home.

Who can say no to not going to school.

"No mama. I want to rest a bit at home. And anyway we are not doing anything at.

She agreed, then the silent came again. Dad was sure as hell not going to talk to his pregnant slut of a daughter. He didn't say that, but I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me.

When we got home, I went to my room and lay on my bed. I was tired all the time now.

I imagined my life with a child. Some thoughts were amazing but most were a horror. I've always played with dolls and it was a normal thing, and I've always imagined holding my own child. I was happy. At the same time I thought of the shame I would be bringing in my family.

Imagine all my cousins playing outside having fun, while I'm busy nagging my child to stop crying , what a horror.

Emy called and I ignored her calls. She then sent a message saying "Eyo sup l heard that you got bailed out, how did the drug end up in your pocket ? How was life inside there? Shame I'm sorry my friend. Don't you want to go out?"

I sucked my teeth and deleted her chats, all she wanted was to get me into more trouble.

I ignored her texts from then on and went to sleep.

A call woke me up around 7pm and I picked it up without looking who it was.

A voice said" thank god you finally answered my call, what is wrong with you, you are suppose to celebrate your freedom, come now the party just started at..." I hanged up as she was talking.

I stood up and went to join the family in the living room. They were watching Betty in New York. My parents loved this series.

I sat between them and slept on my mom's thighs while Betty and Armando kissed secretly in their office. Mom brushed my hair so gently, I felt loved for once.

But the door opened and I saw someone I knew too well...