Linked Hearts || Dramione

Chapter 41

Draco woke up, feeling the worst. He was sure he had fallen asleep the last thirty minutes, during the wee hours of the morning. His eyes were red and brushing his teeth and combing his hair, he wore his robes and strolled off to the infirmary again.

He had spoken to no one after the incident. Draco had lost himself in the world of despair and sadness, because his worst nightmare came true :she was finally dead. How could he accept this? What was he suppose to do without her? There wasn't a single moment where he didn't thought of her, her laugh, that annoyed face whenever he does something stupid. She was simply gone from the world.

And certainly no dark arts can bring the dead back alive. He had this small notebook with him and he wanted to read aloud in front of her dead body. Even if she was dead, he wanted her ghost to listen to his diary he kept so long ago.

The air was filled with lemonade. The beds were scrubbed clean, and there was her: lying motionless on the pure white bed.

For a moment, he had hoped that she would opened her eyes, make a movement or something to let him know that she wasn't somewhere else far away from him. Draco didn't like the word death anymore. It terrifies him.

"Hey..I'm back.." he said as if he was seeing a family member after he came back for the summer holidays.

Draco pulled a chair and sat down, then leafed through the yellow papers of the gray leather notebook. He kept all his secret feelings, important ones, inside.

"Day One.. I was walking with my friends, Crabbe and Goyle. We were just heading to our first class of the year and I was hoping it would be interesting. Or I'd rather say, very excited. But I couldn't show that especially when I'm a pure blood, a Malfoy. Of course, I was quite happy that Professor Snape embarrassed scar head Potter, but my attention was drifted to a girl with bushy brown hair and buck teeth. She didn't look much, but I knew she was incredibly smart because she kept raising her hand. Turns out later on.. She insulted me and deep down in my heart I liked the attention very much."

"There, I've said it. I like your attention from the beginning even if it wasn't that pleasant," he spoke quietly, pronouncing each word carefully.

"It was  during the yule ball and at that moment, when I saw you in that periwinkle dress, I couldn't even take my eyes off you. You were so beautiful and the way you dance was just wonderfully elegant. I desperately wanted to tell you that you're very pretty but you know I can't. I know I'm a coward. But ever since that day, I had paid more attention to you more than I should."

Still no movement or sound from Hermione. She laid down, very still like sleeping beauty, not moving an inch. But Draco continued anyway.

"It was during sixth grade and I heard that you were jealous of Ron and Lavender. Well you got back with him and somewhere inside me I wished you hadn't. Selfish of me, I know, especially when I had a girlfriend that needed me a lot. But I couldn't help feeling jealous. I just can't shake the sensation off. It stucked to me pretty often when you blushed and perhaps laughed at his jokes and actions. I hated it. I was very jealous.

"The last one I'm going to read to you. It's going to take a while."

"I went to look for advice, and just so my stupid, idiotic feelings took over me and I just had to do stupid things to make her stay longer. For instance, I lied to her that I needed help for Transfiguration homework. And I got my wish. I hung out with her more often than usual and it was better than any of the time that I had to stay with Pansy. It felt so nice being with her. But I made her cried. I hurt her by slapping her. I can't explain how ashamed I was to do such a stupid act like this. I knew I can't make her to forgive me, and it was much too late. Perhaps if I had stuck with her that wedding night she wouldn't have gone lost and locked up somewhere and lose her life. I don't know what to do without her anymore. What more can I do? Cry all night? Begged her to come back? No that won't work. I just don't know. There will certainly be no move ons from Hermione Granger. I'm in love with that girl all this time. "

Draco touched her face and felt the coldness spreading through his skin. He didn't mind, as long it's her. His eyes stung as she still laid down there like a log. Bending down, he kissed her one last time and he felt the cold lips pressing against his.

Draco shut his notebook and pulled the covers up to her chin. "I love you, so much that I couldn't even explain it anymore. I just do. With no reasons and questions. Do you feel the same too?"

There was no reply. Wiping his angry tears away, he walked off and closed the infirmary doors gently.

Somewhere inside, tears fall out from the eyes that are shut tight and Hermione jolted up.