Suds In The Bucket [A Bensler Fan Fic]

10

There was a long car ride ahead of them. Aaron and Ben both weren't too excited about the long car ride, but they were excited about meeting their baby sister at some point in the near future. 

"Momma, do you hurt?" Aaron asked after Olivia handed her son his juice box. They were stopped about 30 minutes outside of Louisville to eat and for them all to take a quick bathroom break.

"What do you mean?" Olivia questioned, before opening up a sandwich and passing it to her little boy.

"Like, does your belly hurt now that Janey isn't in there?" Aaron asked, and Olivia closed her eyes tightly as she turned around in her seat.

"Aaron, we know that you are curious... but Momma is sad and doesn't want to talk about this. So honey, let's just talk about the apartment we are renting while staying here. You and Benny get to share a room." Elliot spoke, as he looked at his son. Aaron smiled and went to eating as Elliot turned to look at his wife.

"I know that it hurts not to have Jane with you at all times, but she's getting the help she needs. We just need to pray to God that we can bring her home one day in the future."

"I want her here with us right now. Not in the future." Olivia whispered before shoving her sandwich into her husband's hands before climbing from the vehicle.

()()()

With tears on her cheeks, Olivia got to hold Jane for the first time. She held her daughter against her chest and the skin to skin contact made Olivia's heart ached for more moments like this with her youngest child.

"She's beautiful." A nurse spoke gently as she laid a blanket over Olivia and the little girl.

"How is she doing?" Olivia asked.

"She's doing okay. She hasn't gained any weight and she hasn't lost any weight either. So no change in weight is better than losing weight." 

"What is her chance for survival?" Olivia asked quietly and the nurse frowned as she looked at one of the many IVs that were hooked up to Jane.

"Do you really want to know that? Or do you just want me to talk about what the doctor has been doing?"

"I want to know what is happening in general. I hate that this happened and that I couldn't protect my baby. She was inside of me and I should have been able to protect her." Olivia whimpered.

"Dr. Duncan is giving Jane a very nutritious blend of food through her feeding tube. She is getting all of her oxygen through the breathing tube. We are hoping to have her gaining an ounce a week and soon we want her to be breathing by herself. Maybe in two months or so."

"Two months of her being on this breathing machine? What?" Olivia whispered. She had thought that maybe Jane would be home within a few months, but instead, she'd be here and on a breathing machine for at least two months. She had been too optimistic on the way here and it was really biting her in the ass.

"Can you take her. Please." Olivia whispered.

"Mrs. Stabler-"

"Please! Just take her!" Olivia cried. The nurse took Jane as quickly and as carefully as possible. Olivia quickly buttoned up her shirt before running from the room as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Liv?" Elliot asked as he grabbed his wife's arm to stop her from running past him.

"She'll never come home with us, El. We are going to lose her here. If we hadn't taken Grant home, this was the last place he would have ever seen before dying. Jane will die here, El. How is there any possible chance that she will survive being born so early?!"

()()()

Elliot took Olivia back to the apartment before heading back to the hospital. He washed his hands before getting in his gown and moving to stand by Jane's incubator. He reached his hand in and gently caressed Jane's bald head before letting his little girl hold his finger.

"Hey, Janey. It's your Daddy. I'm sure you know my voice because I used to talk to you every night while Momma was laying in bed. You kicked my hand for your first movement." Elliot spoke quietly. 

"Mr. Stabler, I'm Dr. Duncan. I'm your daughter's doctor." The young man spoke.

"Hi." Elliot spoke, before shaking the doctor's hand.

"I'm proud to say that your daughter isn't getting any worse."

"But she isn't getting any better." Elliot sighed, as Jane gave his finger a small squeeze. Elliot quickly looked down at his daughter and smiled.

"With a baby born as early and as dramatically as Jane was, it's just impressive that she's still here. That her brain is still active and that none of her organs have failed. She is strong right now, and we need to focus on that."

"Doc, my wife is taking this very hard. Uh, you weren't a doctor or not even here when my son was... but we lost our first baby to cancer. He was here for most of his life until we took him home so that he'd pass away in a place that didn't smell like bleach." Elliot spoke.

"Your daughter doesn't have cancer. She is small, but she is doing good. We do expect her to start doing better. Do you want to have contact with her as your wife had?" The doctor asked.

"Can it help or make things worse?" Elliot mused.

"It will help. Not only can you bond with your baby, but you can also even out her temperature and her heart rate. I recommend it." 

()()()

The first night was the hardest. Olivia had her panic attack and Elliot had to deal with thinking about having yet another extremely sick child in the same hospital that their firstborn spent most of his life. But Elliot knew he had to stay strong to keep Olivia going and to make sure the boys got what they needed.

"Thanks for coming," Elliot spoke, as he opened the door to the apartment and smiled tiredly at his parents.

"I wish you would have contacted us sooner. We would have been here right after Jane was born." Bernie spoke.

"I know, but we didn't want to bring you here if Jane passed away. But now we need you both here to help with Ben and Aaron." Elliot spoke.

"We will do anything we can, son," Joseph spoke.

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