Be My Escape [BoyxBoy]

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight
~Michael's POV~

It was happening again. I was going through that roller coaster that is my life. I was doubting things and myself and there was no other explanation for it other than that day is getting closer. The closer it gets the more my thoughts fill of him. And the more I start think about how what a horrible person I am. The more I start questioning why it had to happen to me. To him. To us. And I know that I'm freaking out Liam. And I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I can't.

All my past was being dug up and I was trying to drown it out.

But I was tripping over all the memories. The depression was slowly stealing in. And there was no one that I could talk to about this. Well, no one other than Zack. And I hadn't talked to him in a while. I don't really know why I kept avoiding him. Other than the fact that I felt like complete shit when I was around him. If that was because he walked all over my feelings for him or if it was from my own self hate that I was so fucking weak I couldn't even stand up for myself – I couldn't tell.

I knew that he had been asking about me though. He was my best friend after all. And if that didn't make things complicated as fuck for our relationship, I still hadn't told him that I'm dating Liam. Dylan figured it out from the moment I started to mention Liam and ask questions. But he kept quiet for us. And we defiantly didn't tell Kim. She would flip shit.

I sighed and shoved my face farther into my pillow. It almost smelled completely like Liam from the amount of times he's come over to make sure I’m okay and then end up staying the night with me. I vaguely recalled today being Saturday and I knew that it was some time in the afternoon. And I was still lying in bed. Clutching onto my pillow contemplating my self worth, my relationship, and if I should call Zack.

Honestly, I needed to get myself together. I blindly searched for my phone hissing at the brightness of the screen under my covers and then went into my contacts to find Zack's number. Once I found it, I kind of just stared at it for a minute. I sighed again and hit the call button. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

“Well, hell-fucking-o to you too, friend!” Zack's voice filled my ears. I laughed slightly. It was nice to hear his voice. He sounded happy and that made me happy as well.

“Hey Zack.”

“Damn Michael. When you said you were leaving I didn't think that you would stop contact with me as well.” Zack whined.

I cringed slightly, “Yeah … sorry about that.”

Zack sighed and there was a long pause. I knew the words that would come from his mouth before he said them, but that didn't stop it from hurting. “Are you going to be okay? Being by yourself this year?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah, I'll be fine.” I said.

“Michael.” Zack said. He knew I was lying. “How bad is it?”

“Worse.” My eyes were blurring from the tears that were threatening to spill over. And I didn't want to talk anymore. If I tried I knew that I would break down. I only called Zack to hear his voice. To try and distract myself and have him silently comfort me by babbling on while I cried. And that's what we did.

Zack told me about the guys and him and Dylan. He told me about his classes and stupid random stuff that I didn't bother to remember. I only laid there sniffling and listening to him talk. And while I was crying underneath my blankets, listening to my best friend ramble and hearing Dylan in the background screaming at him, it made me think about how much I missed Zack. And even Dylan. It kind of made me wish I hadn't moved over here – even if it was for Liam. But it was according to my own will to leave. I didn’t like having to spend time with Zack and love him from afar while Dylan got to hold him. I didn't want my jealously to affect Dylan and Zack's relationship any farther. And while their whole relationship going around in so many circles wasn't entirely my fault, I still felt some type of responsibility.