Stranger Calum

Chapter 13

I'm just getting home from my walk with Rudy, mainly to clear my head or rather, wrap it around the idea that literally across my bedroom - even after everything, Calum had Emily there. Naked. He slept with her with me not even a 100 feet away. I'm not sure what hurts more the fact that he did it or the fact that he did it with me essentially there. I should have never caved. I should have never listened to whatever crap my mom said and I should have never broken my pact with myself.

I said goodbye to Calum and that should have been it. I should have never talked myself out of my loathe. No more Calum. No more 5sos. That was the plan. And I was sticking to it no matter what anyone else says.

Of course just as I get to my front lawn, it's like someone above is purposefully making things harder for me. Calum's there, walking up to his own front lawn but he stops in his tracks as soon as he sees me. I'm not sure what to do, I know what I'd like to do. I'd like to look away and go inside without a word because Calum doesn't exist anymore. There is no Calum. There is no Calum and Kota. But my brain doesn't quite get the memo. My brain refuses to send any messages to the rest of my body and instead focuses solely on the dark haired boy in front of me.

He looks an absolute mess. His hairs ruffled and sticking out in all sorts of directions. His eyes are red and a little glazed over, not in a way that he has alcohol in him but more in a way that seems to scream out that his eyes are begging to be closed like he hasn't slept in days. His cheeks are flushed almost as red as his eyes like they do when he's been sleeping or laying around. His overall appearance breaks my heart all over again. I want to tuck him into the safety of my bed immediately and I briefly wonder if I look just as bad.

"Kota," he croaks, his voice rough and raw.

My chest tightens.

"Please," he steps forward, reaching out for me.

I'm not sure when or how but he's suddenly so close. Close enough that when he reaches out his fingers brush against my arm, sending chills all the way down my spine and even through my thick coat I can feel his touch burn my skin. His eyes are as wide as they can be - which isn't very wide with the exhaustion lingering - and I'm not sure what he's asking or if he even knows what he's asking but I'm ready to give it to him. To tell him everything was fine, that I forgave him, that I didn't want him to leave, that I don't hate him, that I'd very much like him in my bed right now.

But for some reason, the half of my brain fighting with my heart, with every fiber of my being really, seems to win and gets to my mouth first.

"No Calum," I draw my hand back and take a step away from him. "We're not doing this. I'm not doing this. How many times are we going to go through this? The lies, the fighting..the leaving. I can't Calum. Not again. I'm standing my ground this time. I don't want to be in this anymore."

He doesn't look like he's about to back down, his eyebrows pulling together. So I take a deep breath and brace myself for the only words I know will do it.

"I don't..love you anymore, Cal. So just leave it alone. Leave me alone. Just leave. Leave and live your perfect life with your perfect girlfriend," my voice breaks at the end and I curse myself for it but he doesn't react to it.

He doesn't react at all, to my surprise, he just stands there for a moment - doesn't say anything at all - just stands there with eyes dancing along my face. He's clearly looking for any sign of me cracking but I don't. My face even hardening a bit. I let the pushed down images of a naked Emily in Calum's bed resurface and pull from that, letting myself be angry. He slept with someone else. And even though it wasn't the first time, it was the first time with me still very much kind of sort of in the picture.