Stranger Calum

Chapter 17

I'm gonna kill Kylie. I swear on everything she's done for. She's so done for she doesn't even exist anymore. That's how done for she is. She's so done for the universe even knows and she'll just be zapped away. Zapped away so I don't have to get my hands dirty because of course the universe will be on my side.

I'm sure anyone would be on my side right about now. And if they weren't then I'd have them sit and have dinner with this absolutely dreadful knob Kylie set me up with.

Lets just say, to put it lightly, the past couple weeks have been..unpleasant. There were a few incidents involving a bottle of liquor and a very nearly naked, passed out me on top of our apartment complex roof. It's not as bad as Kylie made it out to be. I know she'd go off if she heard me say that but it's true. Kind of.

The thing is, giving up is something I've never been good at nor is it something I have any clue about doing. I don't know how to not want to fix things and maybe that was a flaw, but it was a flaw I was born with, a flaw I don't even know how to begin to forget.

I've always been the one to be mediator with my friends. I'm always the first to apologize when something happens between me and a friend. I was even the one who got Michael and Calum back to normal after Mike had offered to walk me home. I can't help it. I don't like conflict. And if I'm any bad with everyone else, Calum is a whole other story.

I never could stand Calum being angry with me, I couldn't even stand me being angry with him. How many times did I have to say no talking while I dragged him up to my room just because I needed him there? And that's the key point to these last few weeks. It doesn't matter how mad or upset I am with him or he is with me because at the end of the day, I need him and I'd like to think he needs me too.

So, put all this together, the needing to fix things, the not being able to just give up, the hate for conflict, the fact that I physically and mentally need Calum, it's all just been a bit too much.

Kylie doesn't get it and I don't blame her because I don't even get it. I guess maybe, the way it is in my head, the way I've come to terms with it, is if I give up then I'm not just giving up on Calum. I'm giving up on all of it. Everything from the very beginning to that last night in my old bedroom.

I'm giving up on all the good times as well as the bad. I'm giving up on all the memories. Including those first couple of days at our windows, those first nights we blared our music so we could listen together. I'm giving up the first night I asked Calum over, sneaking him up my stairs, making fun of his awful slippers and sitting awkwardly on the floor.

I'm giving up on that same night when he first slept over and we laid cuddled on the floor. The first night he ever slept in my bed; hesitant to even get under the blankets. I'm giving up on every laugh, touch, kiss, secret, smile, every flutter of my heart, every butterfly that ever went crazy in my stomach. I'd be giving up on Calum and Kota.

The thought alone...it kills me.

I look intently at the boy in front of me. He's easy on the eyes sure, he's got somewhat of a sense of humor, he has a steady job, stable home, stable life. Maybe he's not so bad. Sure he likes to talk but to be fair I wasn't really trying to do any of that myself. In fact, he hasn't even been talking all that much. It's just that he doesn't have an Aussie accent, his hairs too light, his eyes are too green and he's missing a little scar between his brows from being drunk that one night at Ashton's party.

Something in me seems to flip at that and all I can think about is dick pillow. My eyebrows pull together and for some reason it makes sense.

Dick pillow.

"I have to go," I say suddenly, getting to my feet.

The guy - Allen maybe? He stops mid-sentence and stares up at me with a puzzled look, "What?"

"I uh," I stop to grab my coat behind my chair. "I have to go," I finish, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"You were really lovley, but I just was nowhere near ready for this. I'm so sorry," I stay a moment to make sure he understands then I'm off.

-

I waste no time getting up to my flat and into my room.

"You're home early," Kylie pouts from the couch as I pass. I ignore her, kicking off my shoes and throwing my coat aside before grabbing my suitcase.

"Dakota?" She calls when I don't answer, instead, opening and shutting drawers along the way.

"Kot, what are you-" she's at my doorway now.

"Dick pillow," I breathe, cutting her off.

"What pillow?"

"Dick pillow," I huff more firmly, still moving around my room.

"Dick pillow? What the hell is that? And where are you going?" She steps inside the room now.

"Dick pillow, Ky! Dick pillow."

"Are you calling me a dick pillow because...?"

"Calum first slept over because he had been naked at his window and his mom walked in so he had to cover his bits with one of his pillows..he couldn't go home because he had dick pillow," I explain like it makes any sense.

"Okay but what does that have to do with your date? Or why you're packing?"

I sigh, frustrated that she's not just in my head because that'd be a lot easier.

"That was the first time me and Calum weren't okay. He had a party and a girl and I was jealous and mad at him. He knew something was off but I kept telling him it was fine and then continued to ignore him. His attempt to get me to speak to him again was to get me to see him naked, then we'd be even since he thought I was mad at him for seeing me naked."

"Right..sounds like Cal," she nods lightheartedly. "But again, what does that have to do with anything?"

"I just..I need a dick pillow. I need Calum to want to fix this. I need Calum to attempt to fix this. I need to know he's still the same boy willing to get naked and bare it all just in the hopes of trying to fix it. To fix us," I ramble with tears in my eyes as I continue packing.

"And if he isn't?" Kylie asks softly.

"Then I know for sure. Then I've done all I can and I'll give it up," I look up at my best friend desperate for her to understand.

"Well you're not going alone," she nods understandingly. I let out a sigh of relief and engulf her in a grateful hug.

"Alright you sap, let's go get you your dick pillow," she hums, pulling away from our hug.

--
Think she'll get her dick pillow? (;< Sorry for the two fillers I plan on the next chapter being quite intense. Comments are always nice to read through and votes are always greatly appreciated! (: