Addicted

Chapter 21

A:N Okay, so you guys are probably wondering, "Why doesn't this chapter have an actual name?" well, I'm sorry but I'm going to switch it to just being the normal "chapter something". It was harder coming up for a chapter name than I thought it would be! I apologize! This will be the FINAL decision I won't switch back I promise! Next topic, thank you all for 800 amazing reads! My book is now on 827, but honestly as soon as I saw the 800 I was so filled up happiness and joy and excitement! Thank you all! Oh yeah, and the book will have a new cover! I just wasn't feeling this one so I'm going to make a new one! :) xo.
*

If there were only one word to describe me, it would be eager. I soon began to find out I had been becoming eager and eager for attention. Not for just anyone's attention, Harry's attention. Whenever I was with him, all I seemed to want was his undivided attention, and he gave me it. He gave me it all. I wasn't sure whether it was a good or bad thing. I learned that not only did Harry give me attention, he gave me all kinds of attention of different categories. He gave me social attention, as in whenever we had conversations, he always put so much effort into our conversations and always was the first one to begin speaking. Then there was the passionate attention, which was whenever he kissed me or hugged me or just made me feel special. Lastly, there was the sexual attention. That was when he made me feel better than ever. Harry and I still hadn't had sex. I also learned that, if it ever came down to it, I wasn't ready. I was terrified of the pain I would experience once Harry entered me. I once feared of being touched. Now I crave being touched, not just by any person, but by Harry. Harry has touched every single part of my body with his hands, his mouth, and his tongue. Harry and I had been together for five months and still no sex. In other people's views, they may think it's ridiculous and stupid. I'm just not ready, and Harry knows it, and he respects it. That's nowhere near stupid, nor ridiculous.

Throughout the months I'd gotten to know Harry. I realized something about Harry that scared the living hell out of me. Harry was a party animal, a complete rager. He drank so much. Harry had an alcohol problem. I feared Harry so much whenever he drank. I always insisted on giving him help, but obviously Harry objects, stating he does not have any addiction. Whenever Harry was not drinking, the Harry I adored was there, but as soon as night came, a demon comes and overpowers my Harry. He no longer was my Harry, he's becomes the unknown. The unknown in my eyes.

I developed strong feelings for Harry. Which is surprising, because I only loved one person in my entire life. Michael LaChance. Before the problems occured with Michael, we actually had a well relationship, with some bumps in the road due to his mother, which I disliked very much. Michael had always been so controlling and bossy. It was before I snapped and finally called it quits. It was very easy to get over it. I had already been half way over it days before I ended things. Although, I can gladly say I am relieved I did. There's only two reasons that made me so relieved, One, moving across the country here to Oregon, and Two, my Harry.

It became clear that I loved Harry. I honestly really did. I wanted to believe he loved me as well. Possibly loved me as much and cared for me as much as I did for him. I just wanted him to actually know how happily glad he made me. If Harry did not love me, then I would be awfully hurt. What can I say about it though? I can't control his feelings. I've never prepared myself for the big "I love you", and I am not ready to say it. The words cannot slip out. I had decided that I will let them slip out whenever the words were ready.

It was a Thursday afternoon and I was at a coffee shop. Harry and I planned to meet here for a date. Harry called earlier and confirmed he was going to be about ten to fifteen minutes late, only because he took a nap and ended up waking up later than he planned. I was sitting alone on a two seat table with my hands rested on top of the other. I decided I wasn't going to go up and order what I wanted to drink until Harry got here, so I just sat there. I could not wait to see him! I could not wait to see Harry walk through the entrance door.