narcotic // a newtmas au

got ya

"So can you tell me why I have to be in my underwear?" Thomas asked as he crossed his arms.

Newt shrugged from his spot on the couch. "You know the saying 'picture the crowd in their underwear and it's less scary'? Well I'm trying that visually and also you're just sexy."

Thomas made his way over to the couch and plopped down on Newt's lap. He grabbed his arms and put them around himself. "Well it's cold in here so you have to hold me."

Newt tightened his grip on him and tucked Thomas' head under his chin. "You can't look at me when I start talking."

Thomas put his hands over Newt's that were resting on his waist. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Okay," Newt breathed out. "I'm gonna touch you."

"You're allowed to touch me." Thomas let out a breath as Newt's hand slid up his back.

"Touching you makes me feel better," Newt mumbled against his head. "Makes me know you're still here."

Thomas was quiet as he pushed into Newt's chest. He knew Newt was freaking out about telling him whatever he went through in his past and he wanted to take that panic away. If sitting on him in his underwear was going to make it better you bet he was going to do that.

"Can we fool around after?" Newt asked as he slid his finger along the waistline of his boxers.

"Stop stalling," Thomas said gently as Newt's fingers trailed back up his spine.

"Okay," Newt let out a breath. "I was in love once before. I met him in a bar, he was working. The guys were treating him bad, like some kind of sex object, but he had pretty eyes and so I took him to the arcade and we ended up back and my place and we dated for months. I really loved him Tommy, like a lot. He was always nice to me and we got along well." Newt let out a breath as his fingertips stilled.

"This has nothing to do with you baby boy. I care about you just as much if not more, Alby was just..."

Thomas looked up at him. "It's not about me." Of course Thomas couldn't help the pang of jealousy in his stomach when Newt talked about Alby, but it wasn't about that. It wasn't a comparing game, it was Newt's past.

Newt let out a breath and pressed a kiss to Thomas' forehead. "I think I made you in a computer."

Thomas smiled at that and tucked his head back under his chin.

"Alby and I lived together for a little while, I know we were young, I mean I'm still only twenty one, but I didn't have parents and Alby didn't have anyone that cared about him so we fell into that routine. I thought I was going to marry him." Newt swallowed as he went back to tracing shapes on Thomas' back. "Then I got cancer."

Thomas' head shot up at that. "You have cancer?"

Newt put his finger over his mouth. "Shush baby boy, I said no talking until the end."

Thomas resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I got cancer and it was terminal and we barely had any money. It was all over my body Tommy, I could barely walk and it was tearing Alby apart. I used to absolutely ride his dick into oblivion and then suddenly I couldn't even get out of bed without shitting myself. He said we wouldn't give up and we'd go to doctors and he got another job, but I hated myself for what it was doing to him so I went to a bar. I got drunk even though I wasn't supposed to. I met Francis there. He told me that he could fix me and I was thinking about Alby so I said yes and then I went away for a while." Newt stopped, his finger's stilling on Thomas' spine.

"I'm still here," Thomas whispered as he leaned into Newt's touch.

Newt let his eyes close as he leaned his forehead against Thomas' head. "They called it project X or something. I can't even really explain what they were trying to do because I still don't know exactly, but they prayed on the weak and then tried to turn them into weapons. I had a friend there...his name was Chuck. He didn't make it. They tortured me everyday Tommy, every single fucking day." The merc's grip on him tightened. "They'd hold me under water until I almost drowned and then they'd do that for hours. They beat me within an inch of my life. They starved me, burned me, broke my bones, I used to pass out from the pain. The worst though...the worst was the blades. You ever played fruit ninja Tommy? Francis, he told me they were going to try and make my skin unbreakable. I laughed which made him mad and they took me to the chamber. It looked like a tube, I went inside and closed it and it was dark so I don't remember much but there were slits and they'd put in blades and it'd cut so deep Tommy. I'd pass out from losing blood. He tried to shred me like cheese in a cheese grater, they dragged things across my skin that cut it up so bad I couldn't lay correctly for days. Sometimes they moved the blades without taking them out of me, they cut deeper everyday across the same spots but Francis said it still wasn't enough. I think he just did it because it hurt so bad."