Orphan Spider

Chapter 43

Peter's P.O.V

It's been around a month since I got back. I think it's safe to say that most of my memory is back. Though, with the memory also came... a lot of nightmares from my past that I thought I put behind me.

So, imagine. Nightmares from both my time at Hydra And my life before it. It's tormenting me and I just want it to stop. I wake up nearly every night with sweat dripping down my forehead and tears flooding down my cheeks. Tony even told me that I sometimes just started screaming and thrashing in the middle of the night. Which I didn't even know I did.

Bruce reckoned that I had night terrors and told me that a person doesn't know that they are screaming or thrashing around when they're sleeping... Which is a little terrifying.

It's been a long and hard month. Thankfully, my family has been by my side for every second that's passed. Stephen and Tony and all of the Avengers make sure that I'm always occupied with doing something, like watching a movie or playing video games, so that I won't think about what happened. It's a bit tiring, but I get to have some time for myself. But they always check on me from time to time.

I haven't been very comfortable with telling anyone what happened except for Bucky. He told me that I could talk to since he was probably the only one who would really be able to understand what I went through. I waited a little with it since me, myself, wasn't ready yet. But when I asked him if we could talk, he dropped what he was doing immediately and we went to my room so I could just get some of the pain of my chest.

It's like a therapy session and he tells me different ways to just ignore the pain and memory from what I did. When I asked him if it'd every go away, the feeling of guilt, the pain...
He gave me a sad smile and said.

"I don't think it will ever go away. It's something we are forced to live with everyday... and it sucks. You have no idea how many times Steve has had to comfort me because the guilt and trauma has just been too much." He pauses. "I know you want me to tell you that everything's going to be okay... but then I would just be straight up lying. I've been free from Hydra for some time now and I still get nightmares." He takes another pause and looks at me with sincere eyes.

"But I'm thankful for the people in my life, who has made my life a hell lot better and bright. Who made it easier for me to sleep at night. I wake up every morning and tell myself that "Today, Life is not going to knock me down", and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And that's okay."

"We've never been perfect. Life hasn't been kind to any of us, especially you. And it's okay to feel down about it. Life wouldn't be fun without some...'angst'... Even though... some have suffered a little too much 'angst'..." We chuckled a little.

"Peter. Life isn't going to be easy. It will be even harder since the burden and guilt is now something extra on your back. But know that we will always, and remember, Always be here for you. No matter what happenes. Your Family will always be here with you and we don't think any different of you because of what happened. If they could accept me, who's killed way more. Then you are the golden kitten. We all love you. Remember that.

.

A little after I got out of the med-bay, I texted Wade and he headed directly to the tower. I had met him on the roof and when he (somehow) got up there, he hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. We sat on the roof, looking at the stars for ages and he told me that him and all the other smaller heros had been protecting the city while I was gone, which I was thankful for.

A couple of days later I invited MJ and Ned to come over and... not to lie, it was really emotional. They came up to the living room and the moment the elevator doors opened they ran over to me and hugged me tightly. Ned was sobbing and MJ also shed some tears. I was also crying myself. It was so nice to see them again after so long.