This isn't what friends do

5. Mason; Sleeping with Brandon was torture...

Sleeping with Brandon was torture. I could never relax with him so near to me knowing how easy it would be for me to roll over closer to him our bodies touch. It had happened, he fidgets in his sleep and once ended up literally in my lap and I was enjoying it too much to wake him so I let him be. It was great until he woke up to my boner in his side. I closed my eyes trying to forget he was there but it was impossible when I heard the soft snoozes filling the room around us.

I couldn't keep kidding myself any longer, I loved my best friend. I mean I knew I loved him in a normal friends way for over a year now but I hadn't realised until recently it had grew into more than that. Because of that sometimes being his friend was complete hell. I wanted to touch him whenever I could and I couldn't, I wanted to stare at him all day everyday and I couldn't. I want to be the only person he cares about in any sort of way which I never would be because he likes girls. I thought I did until recently to but there's no doubt in my mind that his 100% straight unlike me. I'd had three relationships, the first when I was fourteen before Brandon. It was one of those stupid school ground crush relationships where all we did was kiss and she let me touch her bum once. I enjoyed it but not as much as I thought I would of. I just told myself it was because we were young and nothing else had happened between us. The second was a few weeks after I met Brandon and looking back now I think it was my way of forcing myself straight if even possible. Still I was only fifteen so nothing much was bound to happen or so I thought. We were together six months when the kissing and groping turned into more. She gave me a handjob but I couldn't cum and was only barely keeping a boner. I told myself it was her. I didn't like her enough. So we split up. Finally I got with someone at a party last year. It was Brandon's 17th birthday and he wanted to take some girl upstairs but asked me to do the same because he knew the girl wouldn't go with him if she was alone. We sat on different sides of the room as we made out to begin with but very quickly she was in his lap and her clothes were coming off. The girl I was with seemed to get turned on by this and was trying to get mine off too. I flipped her over and went down on her acting like the entire time I wasn't watching as my best friend hooked up with someone else. Luckily when she cum she got embarrassed and left the room giving me an excuse to go to just before I watched and she rocked his world. Me and the girl kept in touch but nothing more happened. At least Brandon was there to see me eat her out though because it helped me keep up this straight persona.

I was blind before to not see it. I didn't like girls at all I was just noticing that now almost 18 and still never having a real sexual relationship. Nobody could know especially not Brandon. His going to find it weird and think that because I'm gay it means I want to jump him, I do but not because I'm gay. Gay... it sounded wrong to myself. Everyone would hate me. My mom would be gutted to never get grandchildren from me. My Dad would hate me he would never understand I'm sure he thinks being gay is something people choose to be. My brother would be weirded out and my sister is young still maybe she wouldn't mind at least. And all the rest of my mates would disappear too I'm sure. It's not like it matters anyway. Even if I know I'm gay the only guy in real life I've ever looked at in that way is Brandon and like I said that would never happen. I could stay single happily.

Nobody has to know.

So I forget what I've just discovered and continue to act how I was before. I'm not gay or straight. I'm not into relationships in general I don't need a partner I like being alone. Even if the thought of never finding someone I get on with as well as Brandon kills me.

I must eventually fall to sleep because the next thing I know I'm being jumped awake by Brandon's alarm for work.