This isn't what friends do

25. Mason; Maybe if I was a turtle

Me and Brandon’s fight was three weeks ago and I still hadn’t text him or seen him. This was the longest we had gone without talking ever and I didn’t really know who was to blame. I was being stubborn in not texting first, he began the fight so he should back down, he called me childish and acted like I only cared about myself which couldn’t of been further from the truth. It was only at my weakest lowest times I wondered if I should message first, I was in the end the one who walked out without us both calming down and talking it over something we always have done. At night I struggled to not give in and just text him something not caring who was right and wrong just missing him... but somehow I always stopped myself the burning in my chest the main reason whenever I heard how angry he seemed at me calling him gay, like it was a curse.

He couldn’t be that upset because Blair told me Halloween weekend, which was the following one after we fell out he seen him at the nightclub in town something he would never of done before, maybe I’d been stopping him from doing his own thing. He was also there with Nora, his still girlfriend giving me the impression he had made his choice him being right when he said it would be an easy one to make.

“Listen I know you and him still haven’t spoken yet but please just come Friday? I will keep you both away from each other if needs be but please it’s my birthday?” He begged over the phone as he again was trying to invite me to his birthday beach bash. He was turning twenty and apparently that’s a big deal because his no longer a teenager. I hated knowing that if I went there it wouldn’t be a question that I would see him there, that he would probably be with Nora and I’d have to put on a brave face.

What hurt too is he hadn’t thought twice about going not caring that I’d known him longer so he should of took one for the team and declined. He could of happily had a night alone with his girlfriend and it would of made no difference to him. Me though Blair would not let me pass on the night.

I told him I’d see how I feel about it when it came, still I had two days to either come up with an excuse or make up with Brandon or even decide I didn’t care and hopefully if I got drunk enough that could happen.

Friday came and of course I hadn’t been the bigger bloke and messaged Brandon it would be harder now after over three weeks because it would mean admitting that I was wrong in waiting this long. I finished work at five like always only now when I finished it was already black, the day when me and Brandon walked to the cliff edge seeming forever ago. I locked up faster in the dark and got home to mine quicker as it was closer than going to Brandon’s as soon as I stepped through the front door I had a message from Blair reminding me I had no choice but to go tonight.

B. Pick u up at 9

I went right to the kitchen and poured a large glass of my Dad’s bourbon, commence my last option, get so drunk I don’t care. After knocking that one back I helped myself to another leaving the kitchen glass in hand only to return to take the entire bottle upstairs with me. I showered and found out some warm clothes knowing the coastline where the party was at would be freezing at night even if they were able to get the bonfire going like Blair told me he planned. He had been going on about tonight for weeks even his girlfriend had told him what a good party it would make, on the beach with a bonfire and drinks everyone having a good time in the dark, a final outdoors party before it probably starts to snow now winter had hit.

I put on a white jumper that had a roses design on the front of it and my black jeans, going for my black Adidas originals. I’d finally gotten my hair cut last week so at least I didn’t look to scruffy, gelling it back to hold it in place I still ruffled it after so it didn’t look too perfect. I’d began shaving my beard again almost every day so that added to my not a total car crash looks tonight. As I was getting dressed I was stopping between almost every action to have a drink now just swigging it from the bottle finding it more convenient  than pouting glass after glass. It was quarter to eight as I stumbled down the stairs tripping over my own feet on the bottom step making everyone in the living room to turn and glare at me. Thankfully my Dad was out tonight or else I would of been murdered, not that I even realised he wasn’t here.