Star Wars ⑅ Imagines and Preferences

prompt #24 // kylo

24. "Sometimes, you scare the shit out of me."
Character: Kylo.
Gender-neutral reader.
Requested by @pumpkinpie_ .
A/N: Angst. And a liberal dose of fluff, ft. a zesty make-out sequence. This was supposed to be a comedic prompt, but it did not turn out that way.
——
What Kylo Ren wanted, he got.

He had wanted to stop complying with the behest of the Jedi. He got it. He had wanted to become Supreme Leader. He got that, too. His new desire was to bring you back, but that proved to be an excruciatingly difficult task.

Now that pest, loyalty , stood dumbly in the way of his latest ambitions. If there was anything (Y/N) would never do, it was to betray the Resistance.

(Y/N). He could practically taste the sweetness of their name, which was tantalizing to his lips.

"Well?" Kylo demanded. "Are you going to stand there like a fool for the rest of the hour? Leave me." With a withering glare, he dismissed a cowering First Order official, leaving him to his thoughts.

Checking to make sure absolutely no one was around, Kylo knelt before a wall in his personal chamber. As he pressed a gloved hand against its sleek surface, the wall illuminated a bright blue.

A slim cupboard came into view. With the earnesty of a child — no, not just any child. Ben — he retrieved a small disk, wrapped tenderly in layers of silk.

Kylo placed this disk in his BB-9E, waiting for the hologram to load. When it finally did, his eyes watered at the sight. Memories surged back to him in tumultuous waves.

"Dear (Y/N), when will you come back?" he murmured, admiring you in the artificial projection. He had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, and you laughed as he told you something, presumably a lame joke. You were even more beautiful than he last remembered, despite how he thought that every time he saw you. But that was all you were now — artificial.

Kylo clenched his fist at the familiar lightsaber hooked loosely on your pants. It had an ornate hilt, adorned with glistening scraps of metal on its surface. To most, it was a beautiful weapon — and it was, he begrudgingly admitted. Above all, though, it was a Jedi's weapon. Carrying it marked you as his worst enemy.

He still remembered the day that you left. He never got a moment's respite from your blistering words. As much as he tried to forget, he still heard you in his dreams. In his thoughts. Since you had left, you had become inescapable.

The reassuring hilt of his weapon was never more present than when he was angry. He felt it now, pulsing by his hip. His fingers itched to retrieve it, to lash out with the full force of his rage. He needed to destroy something, anything, to relieve the dragon that scorched him from the insides and begged for release, before it laid to rest. Waiting, for its next strike.

"I can't believe it. The audacity," you said bitingly. Kylo activated his lightsaber, clenching it tightly in his hands.

"How could you have?" His brows furrowed as he trembled with rage.

"I despise you!" Kylo let his lightsaber make contact with the droid, spilling out its internal wirings.

Kylo felt a flash of guilt for decimating his BB-9E like that. It had served him nicely for quite a while. "Forget it," he aloud to no one in particular. "It's just a hunk of machinery. It doesn't matter."

But it did matter. Every time he lashed out, he would seen the pain in your eyes that day. He would sincerely regret what he had done in his fury, but there comes a point where sorry doesn't mean much anymore.

When he was happy, it was soon emasculated by the thought of you. When he was sad, the guilt of how he had pushed you away only multiplied.

"I have to do this," he said, though his voice wavered.