deal: Yandere America x Country Reader x Germany

Part 18: Nichole

AN: Hello lovies, been a while I know but come on college has been kicking my butt. So writing has been lacking sorry guys but I'll try to update at least one more chapters (most likely for a different story other than this one). Also I have been putting together another story that wont be a fan fic but an original. So there's that too and I'll be sure to publish it once I have the first few chapters written.


(Y/N)'s POV:

'Dirty. I feel so dirty. I have to scrub it out. This filth, this degrading filth.' I thought to myself as I continued to scrub myself raw in the shower. But it feels like it's no use. The more I scrub to get the filth of last night off me, the more it's scrubbed into me. The gross slimy feeling of his touch. The ringing of his moans as he savored his wrongdoings. The sweat that sprinkled our bodies in he heat of it all. It's all mended into my heart and soul. An action that can never be forgiven nor forgotten.

What could possibly be worse?  Well that's an easy one and it's just below my nose. I question myself, resting my hand there in the process. My stomach. It now potentially  carries the very blessing and curse of my life.

It's nearly impossible for a country to conceive a child, much less birth one. If I were to have one the world would rejoice, knowing that it is actually possible for a country to have naturally born family; the very thing that deep down every heart desires. However, it would only tighten my binds in the web that America has created. The threads too tight for my struggles to survive as my hopes die with it.

Don't get me wrong, I do want a child, if possible, but never with a man I don't, nor ever will love. Only with the one and only man I have so close to my heart. All my dreams would be made flesh if a fairy tale like that was a reality.

I still hold on to that dream. That dream that I can be reunited in Ludwig's arms. Then every hardship of the world magically disappears and life can be as it should be. To walk down the isle to the man I share my heart with and off the the home we build together with the children we bare and share our dreams with.

That's the life I should be having. Not this sick, twisted, run down of a nightmare that no matter how much I try to run and wake up from is still the only thing to great me and laugh right in my face at another failed attempt to escape. This is not the life I will always wake up to I swear it. I don't care the hardships that must be taken on. I won't endure the fantasy of a broken man.

My old friend, Alfred. What happened to you?  Will you ever come back to your old self? Or did he die a long time ago and I was too foolish to see it? God I hope I'm wrong. This is all just a misunderstanding and once we find what went wrong we can fix it and go back to our daily, peaceful lives.

I'll cling to this dream too as I take another step. It's the only thing that I can do.

I've had enough of these thoughts for one day as I turn off the hot waters of the shower. Opening the shower curtain while the cold begins to nip my red hot flesh that was beaten from the intensity of the heated water and harsh scrubbing from my washcloth.

I grab the white towel that was folded on the closed toilet seat. Its softness nearly lulling me back into a new comforting warmth. A warmth that comforts the cold harshness of the outdoors and shields what's left of my oblivious innocence.

Confronting a bigger colder outdoors just beyond a single bathroom door. The sense of yearning to never leave this misty warmth was a thought. To be able to ball up in the tub, and soak just a little longer before reality kicks in as I'm swept away into a lost numbness of the cold. To be forgotten, as the fragrance bubbles are popped, and last droplets of water are washed away, leaving behind only a cold forgotten memory of the thing I once held so close.