He's The Beauty And I'm The Beast

Chapter 8

After the doctor told us everything is going to be ok. I decided to leave them to have some family time alone. I sigh and kick a pebble as I made my way home. Its 9:43, great I miss dinner. Is not like anyone notice anyway. I kick the rock so hard it went flying to the other side of the street.

Yeah, who would notice the pathetic, weak and ugly girl? When, they got Brandon. Why would my parent worried if they still have Brandon? Why would anyone notice me? Why can't I be perfect and pretty? Why can't I make my parents proud? Why do I have to bring so much shame to my family? The tears started to run down my face.

My though started to consume me. They were allot things that made me feel worthless. Words that made me feel miserable. Pain been so long in my life that I forgot what happiness feels like. The guilt eats me alive every day and night. Knowing, that I bring shame to my family, the hate from people that bring me down every day.  The fear destroying me inside, the nightmare terrorizing me every night. The agonizing feeling of disgust, of when I see myself in the mirror. The disappointment in my parents eyes every time they see me. Not remembering how my laugh sounds like or how it feels smile again. The sorrow that nobody can see in my eyes. The suffering I go through every day.  Hopping one day this all be over. To be able to be myself again, and not this hollow shell. To be me and feel wonderful doing it. Wondering when will it end, when will it be enough.

I sigh and wipe my tear as I get home. When I enter my parents already went to bed and Brandon was there looking worried...weird. He look relief when he saw me. OK this is getting very weird.

"What are you doing getting here so late? I am sitting here worry sick and you just get at this hour! Why are you arriving at this hour?" Brandon screams at me. I just stand there with my jaw on the floor. Anger started to grow inside me. Who did he think he is? After all this time he thinks he can go all over protective!

"Why do you care?" I yell at him.

"You are my little sister, is my job to protect you." My brother screams at me. My blood boiled with so much anger that I'm burning.

"Since when do you care? I thought I was the embarrassment of the family!" I saw him flinch but I kept going. "So you know the big protector, huh? I though you where one who call me the beast. Let people push me around. You actually encourage it!" I exclaim throwing my hands up. He looks so hurt and ashamed, but I don't really care. I am tired of this hot and cold attitude. I feel like I'm in that song by Katy Perry what its name? Oh... yeah Hot & cold.

"Stop trying to play hero Brandon is too late for that. Why don't you just leave me alone?" With that I started to move, but Brandon stop me.

"I know I treated you like shit, but want to change. No, I am going to change and treat you like you deserve." He said and then he let me go. I was startled by his action, but I dare to say one more thing.

"Why after all this time. After treating me so bad, you decide to change? And most importantly, do you really think I can forgive you?"

He looks at me with hurt, desperate and finally determination.

"I will get you to trust me again you will see. I am going to be the big brother you deserve!" He said yelling happily. I was about to leave, but turn around.

"And if you must know I was in the hospital visiting my real brother." With that I turn around and left.

I got to my room and change into my Pj’s. I didn't really want to sleep so I decide to paint. I close my eyes and the first thing I see is Ryan with his oversize glasses.

I smile maybe I should paint him. I close my eyes again but this time I see him holding my hand, it look so much better so I decide to draw that. I started sketching him first. I sketch he’s beautiful face including the hidden dimples that he has every time he smile. Then I started to draw the oversize square glasses he always used. I continue with the oversize cloths he always uses, that hide he’s amazing body.  Then I started to sketch the landscape next. It was at night in a beautiful forest, full of trees and flowers. In front of him was a sparkling lake, with a glamorous full moon. Ryan was looking at someone and extending his hand like his was holding someone, well me when I sketch it. I drop my pencil and just look at the sketching; I never draw, paint or even taken a photo of myself since the attack. I always thought it was a waste of time and work. I don’t deserve to be remember, I am too ugly for it. I remember when for the first time since the attack I wanted to take a photo, but Brandon yell at me that I would have broken the camera since then I refuse to take a picture.