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THE DARKNESS OF night never unsettled Ellie. It was another fact of life, when the sun strode behind the moon, it became night. Simple. Yet, there was something delicate that the moon radiated that helped her come to life at night; the time where most would sleep, rejuvenate and replenish their energy. Not Ellie. If she was awake, the moon caressed her until her pain became nothing. If she was asleep, there was no fleeing the torment of her nightmares. She chose to stay awake. There was something more fragile that left Ellie clinging to the nighttime; deep within the empty sac in the place of a beating heart. The silver crust of the moon filled that space with light, igniting her from within. It was when she came alive.
The daytime was never about survival. It was merely routine. Survival had a comical way of trimming away the edges; cutting out the weak ones and positioning the strong ones on a high pedestal. Survival was more about winning than it was about breathing, and that's when Ellie knew she was barely living.
The alarm clock to her left pulsed jovially as Ellie stared up at the ceiling of the perch, allowing the silence of the prison to wash over her. The serenity reminded her that despite the mayhem, she would be granted moments of peace, just like that one. The only other sound to be heard other than the gentle ticking of the alarm clock had been the calm gurgles from the bundle to her right as she sleepily moved around. Shakily, Ellie dragged her body upward to glimpse inside the crib, permitting a gracious smile to curve at her lips as she caught sight of the baby.
"You haven't slept," a deep voice enticed her, but she resided in her position as she gently ran her thumb across the baby's cheek, "Ellie, you need to sleep."
Ellie groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose, a burdensome throb beginning to form in her head as she mumbled, "Rick, I don't need you to babysit me."
"It's not babysitting if I'm here because I care about you, " Rick replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Ellie's attempts to rid of him. "I know you. Talk to me."
"I didn't even tell Coda that he was gone," Ellie whispered, feeling the words ebb from within her like word-vomit, "She hasn't noticed he isn't here, Rick. What does that tell you about him?"
All Rick could do was broadcast a soft sigh before he spoke, "Maybe that's a good thing. She would be distracted by the pain."
Ellie scoffed, feeling the corners of her mouth curling into a crimson smile of mockery, her words seeping with venom, "If you had let Merle stay, he wouldn't have left."
Rick froze upon hearing Ellie's expression. He hadn't noticed how agonising his judgment to turn Merle away had been for Ellie, and it crushed him. He was accountable for her sorrow, and there wasn't a single way he would be competent enough to rectify it. Rick stooped his head low with shame, shaking it gently back and forth as he contemplated his next words carefully, conducting a perfect response to the grieving woman.
