So Close

XLII

Simula nung may nangyari sa amin ni Deanna, I knew in my heart of who I want to spend the rest of my life with. It was a life-changing experience for me.

I know isang beses lang yun tapos first ko pa so I can't compare it. However, believe me, when I say, I felt how much Deanna loves me. Sobrang hirap iexplain pero naramdaman ko how much she cares and respects me.

Alam mo yung walang naghold back ng feelings? Binigay lang namin lahat - all-out kung baga.

For someone like Deanna, seeing and feeling her vulnerability is really something. Yung emotions namin nun, melt away lahat ng worries and even thoughts na may ibang laman ang puso ko. 

After that, wala na akong ibang gustong gawin but to show and make Deanna feel kung gaano ko siya kamahal. To assure her na buo ang loob ko na siya lang at wala nang iba.

Hindi man namin napag-usapan pero yung connection that we developed after that sobrang naimprove. Na minsan tinginan lang, gets na namin yung iniisip ng isa't isa. Simple things or reactions lang - ang lakas na ng impact. Ganun ata yun when you finally surrendered yourself.

Sobra kaming naging clingy sa isa't isa but I can say na it's not over the top. Kasi minsan, we stay inside the office pero hindi naman necessary na magkatabi kami. We sleep on the same bed every night pero hindi naman namin yun laging ginagawa. Minsan kontento na kaming magkayakap. Alam mo yung as long as kasama ko siya, walang need ikaworry. She's my safe haven.

Ilang beses na akong chinachat ni Kyla. Minsan hindi ko na nga binabasa kasi alam kong mag aaya lang yun lumabas. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko siyang makasama pero baka kasi kasama nya si Jia and ayaw ko lang talaga ng gulo. Feel ko rin kasi that Deanna doesn't want me anywhere near Jia. Hindi man niya sabihin pero alam kong hindi nya yun gusto. It's also my way of assuring her na I'm not interested with Jia. So instead, I often invite Kyla sa bahay and minsan nagteteam up pa sila ni Deanna sa pang aasar sa akin. And really that's okay kasi at least yung mahal ko and best friend are getting along.

Jia naman often sends me messages through sms and social media sites pero I blocked her na. Madalas kasi puro drunk message and I don't like how she says things about Deanna. Hindi naman sa nagbubulagbulagan ako, siguro nga dati Deanna maybe a heart breaker pero iba na ngayon.

What we have is different. I'm so sure na mahal namin ang isa't isa and what we have is not something temporary. I admit hindi perfect pero may assurance na no matter what happens - pipiliin pa din namin ang isa't isa at the end of the day.

Hindi kasi maintindihan ni Jia eh. Or sarado na isip nya to understand what I saw and felt with Deanna.

Ganito lang naman yun eh, if hindi ako mahal ni Deanna or gusto nya lang makascore like what Jia would often tell me, eh di sana hiniwalayan na nya ako simula pa nung first time diba? Pero hindi eh, after we made love, mas tumibay pa yung connection namin. Mas naging solid yung feelings namin for each other.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na kasama ako sa future plans niya. Na lagi akong may say sa mga decision niya. She listens to me, she never failed to protect me, and make me feel loved. I can say na sobrang swerte ko nga to have her eh...

She's smart, skilful and talented in so many things, at may sense of humour din naman. At hindi lang yun, sobrang maalaga, sarap magluto, logical in handling conflicts, great listener and adviser. Oh diba parang too good to be true, pero siya yan eeehhh.