The Dead Poets

49

My knuckles tap softly at Neil's door.

I was anxious.

I've never seen Neil so... angry. Of course it's an emotion everyone feels, but it still seems strange applied to the ever-so-relaxed Neil.

Neil appears seconds later. His eyes are glassy and his hair is disheveled.

"If it makes you feel any better, Charlie feels awful," I begin almost instantly, wanting to break the heavy atmosphere that threatened to fall upon us.

"He's really beating himself up over it— so you don't have to," I smile at the last part, hoping to cheer him up— although I know it won't.

"It doesn't."

I let out an audible sigh. I figured as much, but I still hate seeing two of the most important people in my life fighting.

"I know I overreacted, Vi," Neil begins, letting his head fall into his palms, once he's sat back onto his bed.

"It's just—" his voice is muffled by his hands.

I follow him, taking a seat beside him on the stiff mattress. I rub his back gently and reassuringly— urging him to continue.

He slowly lifts his head— his tearful eyes looking back at me.

This was much bigger than Charlie.

"Neil, you're my best friend— you can tell me anything."

"It's my father."

I nod my head slowly. I hadn't met Neil's father, but from what I had heard from Charlie and Knox, he's very strict and old-fashioned. Not to say those necessarily make for a bad combination— but Neil's father was just that— bad.

"It's like he has my life mapped out for me. He's never once asked me what I wanted to do— who I wanted to be. Because it doesn't matter to him. I know it sounds silly— but the the Dead Poets meetings they-they..."

"—make you feel accepted."

"Exactly," Neil sighs.

In a way I knew how he felt. Where my parents care too little— Neil's were far too invested in his life choices. To the point where they were becoming less and less his decisions— and more and more his father's.

The dead poets allowed me to feel love and acceptance by my chosen family.

"Okay, Neil Perry," I say as cheerfully as I can manage. Although my heart broke into a million pieces, I still want to see him smile— if just for a brief second.

"What do you want to do?"

A genuine smile stretches across his face, a dimple peeking through on his left cheek. He barely ponders for a moment before answering.

"I want to act— or something with theatre and poetry." His eyes were bright, filled to the brim with hope and optimism at the mere prospect of this future— his future. And I didn't doubt him for even a split second. I know Neil, and I know if he puts his mind to it, he will achieve anything.

The sky was truly his limit.

"I think you should," I respond earnestly, my heart aching at the mere sight of him. His eyes had become glassy once again— as though he was seconds away from a never-ending stream of tears. But it wasn't sadness that threatens to seep from his light-coloured orbs. No, it was passion and determination.

"But my father he—"

"—Screw him," my tone is both harsh and gentle. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to do so. Likely an equal mix of the anger I felt towards Neil's father, and my love for Neil himself.

"Yeah..." he begins softly, his tone hoarse and just barely audible.

"I-I think I will." His voice was increasingly gaining its momentum— and so was he.

"Screw him," he repeats my words as though it has become his new mantra. His new carpe diem.

"Screw. Him."

He doesn't quit, he certainly doesn't give up— and nor should he have to. It was his life, after all.

This is the Neil I know and love.

He holds me tightly in his warm embrace, squeezing gently, before hesitantly pulling away. With Neil I always felt a similar way that I had with Charlie— and no, not in a romantic sense— it was strictly platonic. But I felt a similar sense of protection and love while I was wrapped in Neil's arms, that was just as deep, but in an entirely different way.

I decide it best to leave Neil to his fresh, new mindset. Let him marinate in his mental victory.

"Oh and Vi—"

I turn on my heel, humming in response, just as I'm about to leave the small room.

"—Thank you. And just so you know, I'm going to apologize to Charlie."

I smile.

Things have seemingly returned to normal.

A/N: hi guys!!!!!!
I've (almost) officially finished this book in my drafts!!! There's 8 chapters left & maybe an epilogue. ❤️