Irrelevant. [Random]

What I've Dealt With

Hey guys.

This is gonna be more of a rant-y chapter.  I just have some things I need to get off my chest (and you might find it very interesting.)

To start off, I think some of you might remember the friend troubles I've had in the past.  It was about a year ago now that a friend decided to move on from our long friendship.  To this day, I still don't understand why, but that's a conversation for a different chapter.

Anyways, what I wanted to talk about today was my more recent experience with an old friend.  In order to discuss that, I must give you a flashback.

So once upon a time, I had this friend.  She was great, but one of the things that really bothered me was that I never felt like my feelings were validated.  I would share my problems with her and they were merely blown off as if they weren't a big deal.  I never really received any kind of comfort or reassure that my issues would all work out.  Instead, one of her first responses always tended to be, "Well, that's not as bad as what I'm dealing with," and she proceeded to bring the subject to her.  While I'm upset over something.

She also had a tendency to 1-up me on everything.  She always had to say how her circumstances were more "extreme" (better/worse) than mine.  Basically, she exaggerated her life to make it seem more interesting than mine.  For example, if I said I won an award, she mentioned how she won 2 awards several years ago.  That kind of thing.  Bringing up things, no matter how irrelevant, to seem better than me.  This behavior, along with the lack of validating my feelings, was continuous.

At first, I just wrote it off to me being self-centered.  I didn't wanna take all the attention all the time, so I'd allow it and shove my feelings to the back of my mind.  My problems weren't that bad anyway, so it wasn't a big deal if she validated my feelings.  Right?

Wrong.

Future me here, saying that if your friend doesn't feel the need to acknowledge what you're going through is hard, then THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.  I cannot say that enough.  If your friend is consistently turning the subject on their own problems and struggles while you need to discuss your own, then you need to have a conversation with them about how they are upsetting you.  Your friend should be there to support you.  If their behaviors aren't supporting you, then they should be happy to change how they approach it.

That being said, it's very hard to change the mind of someone that is narcissistic (also another chapter for another day.)

Continuing on.  That friend I mentioned previously ended up struggling with depression soon after these incidents.  I tried to be understanding and supportive, but her behavior steadily got more self-absorbed.  I felt less like a friend and more like a therapist, and I have no experience in that field.  It got to the point where any time I mentioned my problems, it was implied from her side that my issues are not worthy of discussing.  Because, as she put it, her problems were much worse.

I think that was the last straw for me.  I had felt for a long time that she saw my problems as inferior to hers, but it was different actually hearing her state that.  To know that she truly believed my struggles were not important was too much for me.  That's when I began to back away from that friendship.

Flashing forward, I did have an old friend who I actually thought was a good listener.  In the past, he seemed pretty attentive and happy to listen to my problems and give me advice.  He was supportive and understanding.

That being said, we stopped talking for about 2 years.  Recently we reconnected and have (sorta?) caught up with each other.  I say sorta because I think I've only heard everything about his life.  He never really asked me much about mine or showed any interest in it.  It's been about a month since we've started talking again, and he still hasn't asked me hardly anything.  It's amazing to see someone once so supportive, turn into the exact opposite.  Ignorant, careless, and honestly just a flat out jerk.

It's been the same with him.  I'll mention something, not necessarily a problem, but definitely not something you should compare to.  And what does he do?  He compares his life to mine and tries to 1-up me, just like my other friend did. Seriously?

It's shocking to me to see how these people have developed such toxic behaviors.  It's so irritating to do everything you possibly can for these people, only to turn around the favor not be returned.  I mean, is it really so hard to listen to my problem and make me feel like I'm not stupid for the emotions I'm experiencing?  I mean, dang.  And then these people wonder why I don't put the effort into keeping them as close friends.  Because how do you get close to someone that doesn't give a crap about your life?!

<deep breath>

Got a little carried away.  Anyways, my point is that if you have someone in your life that acts this way, they do not deserve an amazing friend like you.  You are worth more.  If it is bringing you down and causing you self-doubt, get out of there.  There are other people out there that will listen to you and that will support you.

Please, learn from my experiences.  Don't put yourself through it if you can avoid it.

I am currently in the process of rinsing these kinds of people from my life- join me!  We can accomplish it together.

I must go now.  My car needs to be washed.  Bad.  :)

Love y'all!

Kitty