Frame of Hearts - l.s.

Chapter Thirty Seven

The end of August brings cooling weather and a nerved Harry to school.

He waits on the steps and notices the yellow bus from the other side of town, and it's a game now; whether or not Louis comes to school. Harry never knows. Today, it seems as if the game has sided with Louis not arriving at school again for the third day in a row. He goes off to homeroom with the smallest hint of surprise leaking out of his fresh cuts under his long sleeved shirt.

Maths is a bother for the morning, and Zayn doesn't lay off him why the fuck he's wearing a long sleeved tee when it's totally out of fashion and is expected to be over 35 degrees today. Harry just answers with I'm starting to feel sick and lies about how he feels cold all the time since being infected. 

He pretends to groan and hold his stomach half way through class, and asks the teacher with low arm to go to the bathroom. She nods and lets him off, Harry running from his spot next to Zayn and dashing towards the boys' toilets and immediately sitting on top of a loo with the door closed. He pulls out his phone and messages Louis.

He knows he's not going to get a single reply. Louis hasn't spoken to him for what seems to be months, but really it's only been a proper week since Harry has lost complete contact with him. Louis avoids school as much as possible, and Harry's not too sure how his foster parents allow him to wag out. It's worrying, if Harry's frank.

And even when he does come to school, which is 45% of the time, he ignores Harry like he's a useless freshman. He passes by him even if Harry calls out and tries to reach out for his arm. Louis would shrug it off and continue walking as if Harry was some tree branch he accidentally brushed. He doesn't even sit with them anymore. Harry's clueless on where he sits, actually.

Zayn and Liam have noticed, and so they should. They haven't bothered Harry with why Louis isn't sitting with them anymore, or why Louis was acting funny, or why Louis looked more and more miserable each day with his face fading paler and his lovely cerulean eyes of the Maldives turning into the murky depths of the sea. Harry doesn't know if Louis talks to Zayn, and maybe he does. Zayn hasn't said a word to Harry about it. 

Such things like Zayn, or even Liam, keeping things from him is making him bite his nails to the cuticle. It makes his skin fleshier too, much more prone to Harry wanting to drag a razor over it. He's had resistance. He'd sometimes graze the blades over his skin without even taking the thin hairs on his skin, but there's other days Harry's arms, or thighs, or body, can look dangerously red. It alarms Harry now. He looks at the mirror every so often and lets the words repeat in his head. 

He knows he has a disorder. He knows this isn't normal. Ever since Louis said that his fucking problems should be sorted out before Harry tries to sort shit with him is the day Harry realized he needed help for this. He can't get over this alone. He can't hide it away under long sleeves forever. Well, maybe he could-- but that certainly isn't the point of issue. This entire disorder is the point of issue. If Harry can get help for this, Louis could too. This could help Louis. This could help him.

He just hasn't told his mum about this yet. He's sure Gemma's suspected something by now and if he's honest he doesn't care. He can't talk to Gemma for a while and if she knows, then it's one less person he needs to tell.

But Louis. This is all for Louis. He wants to do this for Louis to show him he's strong enough to go see a psychologist and sort things out for himself. He wants to show Louis that not all this is scary, having a disorder that is. He knows Louis can power through it, because he powered through 17, almost 18, years of life and stayed brave. He can't break now.

please come tomorrow. i miss u xx

Despite the 248 messages Harry has sent to Louis without reply, he still continues because he wants Louis to know he still cares. Despite the lack of care radiating from him, Harry still wants to be there and never give up because there may just be that one day Louis needs him. Harry always wants to be that person who's there. Always.