since the 5th grade

Chapter 15

Luke slams his lips onto mine, ruining my perfect red lipstick. He kissed me like my lips were air and he couldn't breath.

I pull away, slapping him across the face.

I laugh. "You're pathetic Luke. No, I'm pathetic. I've been destroying myself for 8 years! 8 fucking years! Because of you my body is covered in nothing but scars." I break down crying. "Now I understand why hurricanes are named after people."

"I have to get you home, Julie. You're intoxicated." He tells me as if I had just said nothing.

"Yeah I'm intoxicated with memories and feelings." I tell him. "I have no home, I can't go anywhere, as if that even affected you one bit." I say, venom in my voice.

"You don't?" He asks me, a look of genuine concern on his face.

"I don't, but I would rather have no home than live with a bunch of people that can't stand me and don't treat me with the respect I deserve. But don't you go thinking that I want your sympathy because I don't. Its as if I've been alone my whole life, no one there for me, so don't you fucking dare say that you're here for me now because I've been alone my whole fucking life and I'm pretty damn sure I don't need anyone now!" I yell through my sobs.

"But I want to be there for you." Luke tells me, his voice coming out small.

"Well I have some news for you Hemmings! I don't need you!" I tell him

He stays quiet.

"I do still love you and that's my problem." I say, my voice cracking a bit. I take off my heels, ready to walk away. I didn't know where I would go, but I was going somewhere away from all of this. "But its alright because a few years from now, you'll forget about me and I hope I forget about you too."

"Where are you going?" Luke asks me.

"Somewhere." I tell him.

"Let me go with you." He tells me, sadness clear in his eyes.

I shake my head and turn to walk away, but he grabs my arm once again.

"Please let me go." I say, my voice coming out tired. He quickly lets go, letting me walk away.

I walk onto the street and take a deep breath. Again, I didn't know where I would go, but I would go somewhere. Possibly somewhere where I would be happy again.

*Luke's P.O.V*

Julie walks onto the street. I watch her until she disappears when she turns on a corner.

I wanted to love Julie, but I guess I was a little too late. She had learned to be her own hero. Or had she?

I sit on the lawn's grass, the party still going on inside.

I think about everything she had told me. Had she really meant everything she said? I mean she was drunk

"What are you doing man?" Mark walks over and sits down next to me. "The party is crazy inside."

"I'm waiting." I simply tell him.

"For what?"

"Her." I tell him.

"Where is she?" He asks,

"I let her go." I sigh.

"You what?! How could you do that?!" He asks me shocked.

"I had to."

"But why?"

"Because... I love her." I tell him.

"I know man, which is why you shouldn't have let her go. She could be in danger now. Look at the time. Some creeps could hurt her." Mark tells me, patting my back.

"Do you think I should go look for her?" I ask him.

"I think you should." He tells me while nodding his head.

*Julie's P.O.V*

I'm walking through the same street for about the third time. I was staying close to where the party was because I didn't know where else to go. I didn't want to go back home only to be yelled at. I had to move out soon, but with no job and barely any money, that wouldn't be happening soon.

The street was quiet, no one was around.

I remember when my grandma used to tell me to not play with fire; but I would've never seen the matches in Luke's heart.

I knew I was drunk, other from the stumbling, I knew because I felt a weird feeling of happiness, happiness because I finally told Luke everything that I had kept in for so long, but I knew happiness was just a feeling of delusion.

I sit on the sidewalk corner, my feet aching from all that walking. What if I had never seen Luke at that party? What if he never showed up? Would I have done something I would regret?

I start to daydream about what would happen if me and Luke actually dated, but like everyone knows, daydreams are dangerous, because they make you wish for things that you can never have.

I start to re-think our conversation. He had said he loved me. My heart jumps out of my chest. I hadn't actually thought about it, Luke Hemmings, the guy I had loved since 5th grade, said he loved me, but I was too angry to realize it. He had said he wanted to kiss me. He said he was desperate for me. He said the only reason he didn't tell me he loved me was because he didn't want to hurt me. But how would that have hurt me? Did he actually mean all of this?

My mind floods with thoughts.

I had Luke at my feet. Should I act easy and let him have me or let him die for me?

All the alcohol in my system was bringing out that bitch I had deep in me and I was determined to use her while she was here.

~~~

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