since the 5th grade

Chapter 21

We walk into my room, it smelled of loneliness and sadness.

I walk into my closet and grab a few pieces of clothing, but as I'm grabbing some clothes, I spot my blade in the corner of the closet and quickly grab it and put it in one of my jeans' pockets.

"Alright. Lets go." I say walking towards the door.

"Wait whats this?" He asks pointing to a small toy locker on my desk that I used to play with when I was younger. He starts walking over to it, but I stop him.

The reason I full on freaked out was because that wasn't just a toy locker. It was the place where I hid all my blades, knives, scissors, bloody tissues, pills. I put everything in there because I knew no one would suspect me hiding anything covered in flower stickers and smiley faces.

He looks at me confused.

"Whats wrong?" He asks me.

"N-nothing." I stutter. "It's just getting late."

He laughs. "I really doubt looking at your toy will take long." He continues to walk towards it.

I prayed that he wouldn't open it.

Please don't open it. Please. He's going to be so disappointed. Please don't open it.

He would think I was insane, but I wouldn't blame him, because I think that too.

All these thoughts rushed through my mind, almost bring me to tears.

"I wouldn't imagine you having something this girly." He laughs before opening it. His smile drops as everything falls out of the small locker. All the blades, knives, scissors, bloody tissues, pills fall out leaving Luke in shock.

After awhile he turns to face me, his eyes dark. "We're going to throw these away and after were going to have a serious talk about this." He says between gritted teeth.

"Luke I-I" I start.

His jaw clenches. "Lets go." He says, not letting me finish. He picks up my small locker with one hand and heads out my bedroom door. "Wheres your bathroom?" He asks as I close the door behind me. I lead the way in silence.

When we get to the restroom, he heads straight to the toilet. He takes out the smaller things like the blades and pills and flushes them down. I feel my heart drop. I couldn't live knowing they weren't there to comfort me.

He takes the scissors and knives and throws them into the bathroom's trash can.

"Now maybe without them you'll have time to think about not the shit in your head." He says in a rather due tone.

"Excuse me?" I say, raising my voice.

"No, I didn't mean to upset you princess." He says holding my right hand.

"Then what were you meaning to do!" I say pulling my hand away.

"Make you happy. You won't find happiness in hurting yourself." He tells me.

"How would you know? Those blades made happy when no one else did." I say "They were there when no one else was. They never left, they never got angry at me." I whisper, looking at the ground.

"You don't need them anymore. You know why? Because you have me." He puts a finger under my chin, making me look up at him. "Let me tell you something, even the sun rises at the most painful times." He pulls me into a hug.

"That doesn't mean the pain isn't there anymore." I sigh.

"I know." He says while rubbing my back. "Lets just go home."

I nod.

As we open my house's front door I see that the sun was already down. Winds had already started to blow and leaves were being carried away by gusts of wind. Nothing but the leaves crunching under our feet could be heard.

I started to think about how much I loved Luke on the walk back and then I noticed... sometimes it's not the butterflies that tell you you're in love, but the pain.

After a few moments of silence Luke speaks up. "Julie?"

"Yeah." I respond.

"Can you promise me something? Promise me you'll never hurt yourself again." He tells me.

"Luke I-" I start.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself ever again." He repeats.

I take in a deep breath. "I promise."

"Can you promise me something?" I ask.

"Anything." He says.

"Promise me you'll never leave me." I say.

"I promise." He responds.

When we got home, we laid on his bed, my head on his chest, listening to his steady heart beat. His arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Luke." I say.

"Huh?" He looks at me.

"Describe me in one word." I giggle.

"Mine." He says with the biggest smile on his face. He kisses my forehead.

"I want to spend all my nights with you." He smiles.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because its worth it, you're worth it."

I feel a smile growing on my face. My love for this boy was insane, but I didn't mind.

~~~

hi guys!

ok ok i hope you guys dont hate me, but im thinking of starting to update every 2-3 days instead of every single day. its just that i dont have enough time to write a new chapter every single day especially with school and all and i just dont want to rush and write crappy chapters so yeah i just hope you guys understand and yeah i might start to update every 2-3 days instead of everyday now so yeah just dont expect an update every day.

like always ily all so much and dont forget to vote.