38. Denial

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I sat on my balcony in my hotel as I thought about the past couple weeks. Its been thirteen days since I betrayed Harper. Every time it replayed in my head, I felt more and more guilty.

I didn't even enjoy kissing that girl. I didn't want to do it and I didn't enjoy it. I haven't even been able to sleep. I keep picturing the look on Harper's face. She was looking at me like she had no idea who I was.

I tried calling her multiple times, but I know that she blocked my number. I could always try calling her hotel room phone, But what good would that do? What was I going to say to her? The truth? That I did this just because Ryan told me to?

Even if I told her that, it was my decision in the end; and I chose to go along with it. I made the decision to seek out that girl, take her upstairs, and kiss her, knowing good and well that Harper was going to follow and catch us. No, I couldn't pin this on Ryan.

I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. I've always been afraid of commitment, of love, and never allowed myself to get that close to anyone. I was still surprised that I allowed myself to get as close to Harper as I did.

There was a knock at my hotel room door and I chose to ignore it. I didn't feel like seeing anyone or speaking to anyone.

"Jackson, I know you're in there. Open the door."

Lanie? What the hell is she doing here? Although, she could be here to kick me in the nuts for what I did. Feeling that I deserved it if that was the case, I got up and went to open the door.

She immediately pushed her way inside as she crossed her arms over her chest and turned towards me. She had an angry expression on her face and I wasn't surprised. "Tell me what happened, Jackson."

I let out a long breath as I closed the hotel room door and faced her. "Hasn't she told you?"

"Oh, she told me," she bit out. " But I'm not buying it. All of a sudden you decide to betray her and kiss some other girl? No, there's more to the story than that, and you're going to tell me."

I held her stare. "I don't know what you mean."

"Jackson, I know you care about her. Why would you do that?"

When I didn't answer, her eyes widened. "Oh, my God. You know. You know she loves you."

I remained silent and she continued to study me as if she could figure out the truth. "Ryan told you, didn't he? That bastard." She started pacing back and forth. "Ryan told you and you freaked out. But, I still don't see you deciding to kiss another girl in front of Harper. I mean, you could have just left. Or simply ended it. No, this was different."

I was starting to get more nervous as she got closer and closer to the real truth. Harper always told me Lanie was a little bit psychic, but I never believed her.

She stopped and looked at me and I knew the instant I was fucked. "He told you to do that, didn't he? He was worried about you breaking her heart, and he told you to end it in a way where she would hate you!"

"Bloody hell, Lanie! I should have believed her when she told me you always figured shit out."

"You know you broke her heart, right? She's a mess."

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