I Want You Here When I Wake Up

10

Louis POV
It's been an hour and I haven't moved. I'm still staring at the night sky but the stars blurred away from all the tears. It was only right that the stars in my sky disappeared after hurting Harry.

When I was little My sister Lottie and I believed in soul mates. We thought that the stars represented every moment we would have with them. Every time a star disappeared from the sky it meant we hurt our soul mate, every time we hurt our soul mate it meant that we would lose one year having them in our life. But whenever a new star appeared it meant that we proved our love to them and we gained a year of their presence. I always thought it was a silly thing we just made up, but right now. Right now I'm staring at an empty sky.

I knew if I waited until Harry was awake I would never be able to do it. I would never be able to see his face and walk away. But that is what he needed, he needed me out of his life even if he couldn't see it yet. 

I quietly got up and out of bed, my body instantly missing the warmth. I walked over to my closet and grabbed my black duffle bag. I took it over to my dresser and packed as many clothes in it as I could, only there were some things I just couldn't bear to take. Like the t-shirt I got from the Leeds festival Harry and I went to together, he doesn't remember as he was hammered like none other, but he went around telling people his name was Harry Tomlinson. It was that night I finally figured out that Harry was my soulmate because when we went back to our tent we both stopped and stared up into the sky. Neither one of us had seen so many beautiful, bright lights.

I knew I would need some sweaters as they tend to be pretty expensive and even though it was a while until the harsh London winter would hit I didn't feel like spending all my money on sweaters. I went to the laundry room and found all my sweaters hung up neatly and color organized.  It always amazes me how organized Harry is. I took an overview of what must be over 30 sweaters, hoodies, and jackets. Each one held a memory, some I didn't like while others I would cherish with me forever.

I had to leave my favorite one behind. I had only worn it once because I was adored that if I washed it the color would change. It's this emerald green Adidas hoodie I wore to the airport when Harry and I flew to America together. Instead of it sheltering me from the cold like it was supposed to, I used it for snuggles when I felt alone or when Harry was out of town. That may sound creepy but I genuinely think a part of Harry is in this hoodie.

I grabbed it off the hanger and held it tight to my chest for the last time. A single tear landed on the yellow logo. I looked over to the window and saw the first signs of dawn, a single ray of sunshine breaking through the classic gray clouds of the city. I had to go.

I went back into my room for the last time. There he was, still sleeping in my bed, cheeks still stained with the everlasting pain. I felt my heartbreak for the third time tonight. I grabbed the Leeds t-shirt and folded it nicely and put it at the end of the bed. I was planning on doing the same with my hoodie but instead, I walked over to the edge of the bed and placed it gently over Harry's body. " to keep you safe" I whispered. Please keep him safe, I don't know who I am begging to but I pray they listen.

I turned away before I changed my mind and went to close the bedroom door. I took in my final glance of Harry. Of everything I ever loved. It reminded me of the park I was at a few days ago. When everything is still and there are no worries. Fearing that if you move everything will suddenly come crashing down. I already crashed, but Harry didn't deserve to, he deserved to stay in paradise forever.

I walked to grab my bag when I saw a notepad on the counter. While I was leaving without physically saying goodbye and I knew I would never be able to forgive myself if I left Harry without telling him at all. I grabbed a pen and wrote down nothing more than a few words.

Dear Harry,
   I'm so sorry I couldn't stay, I wish I could stay but every time I do you only end up hurt. You deserve to be lost in wonderland forever not stuck in hell with me. I know you might not believe me but this is for the best, one day you will never have to worry about me and you'll be the happiest person on earth. You deserve that so much. There is only one thing I ask of you, please see a doctor for your back. I know it's scary but please? I need you to be alright.
       -xx, Lou

I tore off the page and placed it neatly on the counter in which I guessed Harry cleaned last night. I whipped my cheek, picked up my bag and walked out. I locked the door and removed my key. I placed it underneath the mat. That was it. I left apartment 928.