I Want You Here When I Wake Up

22

Harry's POV

It has been almost two weeks since I've called the hospital. My surgery is officially in one day. I've been in and out of the hospital doing x-rays, MRI's, bloodwork and every other thing possible needed for my procedure. However, it's all just a giant blur. Every day my anxiety goes up, to everybody else it may seem normal, big procedure equals scary. I mean their not wrong that is absolutely terrifying but every single day that has passed is another day that I can't get a hold of Louis.

When I got home that day from the park I didn't get quite the reaction I was expecting from my mother, I was expecting to have to dodge questions however I was just pulled into a deep hug with the words " I'm so proud of you baby, thank you." At the time I still hadn't quite comprehended what exactly I was getting myself into, I still didn't know if I made the decision for the right reasons. But I knew I made the right decision, I was going to get better. Hopefully.

Nobody ever asked me how I came to a decision which I'm kinda happy about because I feel like they just wouldn't understand it, that deep down I choose to do this to try and win back what I had lost. it is crazy I know. But I also feel so utterly alone in all of this. Of course, I have my family here with me, even Gemma came up to spend some time with me but nobody knows me the way he does. and right now I need him.

I've kept it a secret, the reason why. I still rely on Louis sweatshirt to get me through doctors' appointments. Everybody knew that part but what they didn't know is every day after I got home I went straight to the park to try and find him. I may be stupid but I'm not a complete idiot, I know that's where Louis has been staying. Every time I walk down the streets I hold my phone tightly against my ear listening to ring after ring after ring. He has never once answered any of my calls. It hurts.

At first, I was so completely shaken up by my idea to call him but I knew with every inch of my body I needed to. I needed to tell him everything that was going on. I needed to tell him I miss him, I needed to tell him that I wish he was right here next to me. I need to tell him to come back. With every ring my body grew shivers, I knew what I wanted to say but I don't know how the heck I'm going to say it. The millisecond his voice waves traveled into my ear I nearly jumped, this was it. It wasn't until I heard the long solid Dial Tone I realized it was his voicemail. My heart had hit an iceberg and sunk instantaneously.

I tried not to think much of it, after all, maybe he was busy, maybe he still attended classes unlike me or maybe he was just working. He always talked about wanting to be a football coach and I imagine he needs some source of income. I continued my walk to the park keeping my eyes alert for any signs of Louis, but it was all to no avail. I couldn't see him anywhere.

This happened every single day. Every day I walked to the park. I would call him once, maybe twice if I was extremely anxious and just hoped he'd answer but every day my heart traveled a little deeper into its lost grave when he didn't answer. But nonetheless I still walked to the park. I sat down on the bench opposite the entrance, it was almost hidden so if for some heartbreaking reason he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't. not until I walked up to him. But everyday nobody came. No other set of feet walked into this beautiful place.

Every time I left the park I would walk by the tree just to feel close to him again. Is it weird to feel so close to a tree, probably, but honestly that's not the weirdest thing that has happened in my life. I always hoped to find another piece of Louis, a bracelet, a shirt, hell id even take an old sock at this point if it belonged to Louis. For the first week, the area looked like it had seen the presence of a human being, the dirt being indented into what looked like a small bean. It gave me hope that if I kept coming here if I kept calling him I would find him, I would get to talk to him. But just like every other moment in my life, the universe wasn't completely against me. Never once have I seen him. Never once have I been able to talk to him.