I Want You Here When I Wake Up

25

Louis POV

I was sitting on my windowsill curled up against the glass in my oversized t-shirt and gray sweatpants holding my still warm tea between my hands. This is the first time in two weeks I've had any time to myself, the quietness was nice complementing the pale moonlight.

"and look at what we got here, little Louis looking so adorable" Lottie's voice hummed into my ear, not with a slight American accent.

" Oh shut up, I'm big. 5.9 to be exact! "

"Whatever you say"

The silence seemed to fill the air, unlikely between the two of us normally we were always up to trouble. I had turned back to the window still casting my gaze up into the night sky.

" Okay, tell me what's wrong" Lottie sat down next to me grabbing a purple blanket to wrap around herself. I didn't say anything.

" come on, you don't sit here looking like you just crawled out of an apocalypse, holding tea and dramatically staring out of an old window. That's not you."

" do you still believe in the stars?" That was certainly not what she was expecting me to say based on her shock and Confusion that lingered on her face asking for clarification. " You know, how you greet your soulmate affects the stars in your sky." I could tell she remembered now, and after a long strand of silence, she finally spoke.

" Tell me, how many stars do you see in the sky right now?"

"two" I didn't want to say it.

" what I can't hear you, Lou"

" I said two, I see two stars in the sky"

" oh"

" how many do you see?" I didn't really want to know the answer but maybe all she saw was two stars as well, it could just be a cloudy night.

" my sky, my sky is full of stars" once again the all too familiar feelings of my heart-shattering in my chest came again. So did the welling of tears in my eyes. I felt my sister lean in for a hug and k dissolved in her arms, for the first time since everything happened the real weight of it all came crashing down on me, burying me six feet underground.

Lottie didn't say a word, she just held me and let me cry. I cried until an ocean had streamed down my face. When all that was left was the sounds, shallow breaths and little sniffles she spoke again.

" Lou, what did you do?" I knew I had asked with great caution because her voice was soft.

" I'm so stupid, how could I be so selfish?" Burning silent tears softly spilled from my eyelids.

" We all make mistakes Lou, but what exactly did you do? Maybe we can fix it"

" there's no point he'll never want to see me again, not after the way I left him. Not after the pain, I've caused. He needs to hate me, I deserve to be hated by him" my voice was so hoarse from crying every few words it cracked like old wooden floorboards.

"don't say that nobody deserves to be hated." Once again nobody spoke, I didn't understand why until Lottie spoke confused after a few minutes.

" what do you mean you left him? Who is him and how did you leave?"

It suddenly dawned on me that I had never told Lottie or anyone that I knew that Harry is my soulmate.

"Harry, I left Harry. I left him when he probably needed me the most and I just walked out on him." the ugly tears have started to pour again.

"Were you two together, like together together?"

We have officially encountered unmarked territory. As close as we are this topic never seemed to come up before but I know that Lottie will always be there for me. I had let the silence fall, she knew I was thinking.