I Want You Here When I Wake Up

12

Harry's POV
I don't know how long it's been and I don't care to find out. I've watched the sunrise and fall too many times. There's no point in moving. If I move I hurt, if I hurt then why should I even bother anymore. It's just not worth it.

I can't remember much anymore, it's all just a blur. I remember finding the note and falling to the cold hard floor, I remember crying but that's it. I don't remember when the cry stopped, I don't remember when I fell asleep, I don't remember the last time I ate. But I don't want to remember. I don't want to feel.

I'm awake but I don't do anything. My mind is finally numb, I'm as close to being pain-free as I've been in weeks, even if My heart is shattered into pieces beside me. It's easier to watch them fade away then try and sweep up and glue the pieces together. After all who's going to hold it together, clearly I can't. I'm the one who let it break in the first place. Not to mention the only other person who ever saw my heart for what it was running away from me, he couldn't handle it either. So all I do is stay curled in my little ball and stare into the blank oblivion.

Louis POV

Sometimes you need to hurt. Especially if it's for the person you love or want to love. Sometimes it's worth being at your worst so they can be at their best.

You would think that the universe would want to make this pain a little better, after all, I chose to hurt myself so Harry could get better, instead, there has been a constant drizzle falling from the dark grey clouds covering London.

It's hard to try and figure out what to do next, I've had Harry by my side since I was fifteen and now I'm not with him. What am I supposed to do when it's late and night? It's not like I can watch a movie with Harry or have a dance party with him. I guess it's time that I find myself. Something that makes me, me.

I have never really thought about things that I like to do, I've always done things with other people, Harry, Niall, Liam, and James. They've always been there. Usually, I only got to hang out with them as an escape from taking care of Harry. Not like I don't love being there for Harry to lean in but I guess I just got so wrapped up in him that I lost myself to him.

It's been seven hours since I officially left our, I mean the apartment. I've started to compile a list of everything that sounds like fun. I know how to do many things. It's great like, I can do photography. Well, sorta I've modeled a little bit when Harry... oh well I guess into the next thing. Let's see I've also kinda been getting better at cooking, I even made chicken stuffed with Mozzarella wrapped with Parma ham and it was divine! I spent the whole night at the kitchen table with... omg why is everything I've ever done involving Harry?

It's only after another hour something possible comes to my head, and it's kinda funny because it should have come to me so much earlier, football! Football is always something I've done since I was little so it should be safe from any memories!

By the time I finally figured out something to get my mind some relief I decided it's probably a good idea to go ahead to the football field and just kick around the ball for a little bit. That should help me figure the rest of the day out.

It only took me 30 minutes to get to the field, once arriving I went to the clubhouse to change into my proper gear. I hope I packed some because I'm really sure what I packed anymore. After tearing through just about every article of clothing in my bag I found my soccer gear. I quickly changed and grabbed my ball.

I don't often come here by myself, I actually don't think I've ever come here by myself. It's always been with one of the other guys, however, I do recognize some of the regulars that I see every time I come here. Hopefully, I can just practice with them.

I jogged over to a guy not much taller than me, he had soft black hair and a bunch of tattoos, well I should be saying anything about that.
"Hey, and you playing with anyone?"
"Nah came here alone" answers the boy in a dry tone. Is this really the person I wanted to play with? He might add to my anger rather than help me release it. I decide to go for it!
" Me too, would it be okay if We played a little match real quick?"  It felt like it took an eternity for this man to give me an answer.
"Sure, but I don't have long"
"That's okay, all the practice helps" he looked at me with a confused look set to his face.
"Are you like a high schooler or something?"
"What no oh I used to play in my Uni team but stopped last season for"

I knew what I was going to say, I stopped uni football to watch over Harry more.

"for personal reasons"

"Okay great means I can't actually play with effort, m' names Zayn by the way"

" I'm Louis, let's get this thing started"

By the time the football fields closed we had been playing for close to two or three hours and I felt amazing. I was completely focused on myself and I don't think I've been this calm or in tune with myself in a very long time. This is exactly how any normal young lad should be feeling, that made me happier. After arriving at the lockers that held our things Zayn and I continued our conversation.

" you know I'm pretty sure I saw you yesterday practicing with a bunch of lads"

"Ohh" is it bad I don't remember him? " yeah none of them where available tonight but luckily you were" I tried to push the entirety of yesterday away from my mind.

" did you just forget to change or do you wear the same clothes every-time you train" Zayn's words were followed by a playful chuckle but it hit me hard. I hadn't even realized that. I never even changed. I froze a replay in the last few hours streaming through my brain.
" dude are you okay?" Zayn's concerned voice pulled me back into reality.

" It was just a busy day." It came out colder than London in the dead of winter.
" Look I gotta go but thanks for playing with me" I gave a wimp smile and turned around and walked away.

It was already well into the darkness of the evening when I realized I had nowhere to go. I'm just wandering the streets with all my belongings and no home. I knew I had to find somewhere because my eyelids began to lazily droop as they do  when I'm tired. Maybe I could crash at somebody else's apartment or pay a freshman to let me stay at his dorm for the night. With that thought I start my small journey to my university.

When I walked into the main courtyard every single light was turned off, shit how late is it? I glance at my phone at 12:45 pm. I glanced back up into the corridors I could see and I saw the reasons for the lack of light. Curfew room checks. There was absolutely no way I could sneak into a dorm or apartment on campus anymore. Where the hell am I supposed to go now?
I continued walking in hopes of finding a bench or maybe a safe corner I could potentially spend the night. I reach the library, maybe I could sleep by one of the pillars. I mean the library isn't completely public so maybe not many people will see me. I check the hours, you've got to be kidding me. Which library opens at 5:00 am? I definitely needed more than four hours of sleep so I kept walking.

Without going too far I found a familiar sight and knew where I was going to stay, after all the last time I was there I never wanted to leave.