PAPER HEARTS

02

The room is restful, congested by the aroma of freshly concocted coffee and a lodestar of smiles from students, workers, and children that bristle the tranquil otherwise. It's way prior to my clock, and I am sitting in the farthest couch with a bundle of my notes strewn across the table as I anticipate the presence of my friend.

My fingers have been spasming since my third cup of coffee. It's all I've gotten to offer as supplements for my stomach since last night and I don't think all the caffeine is doing me much good. I did read somewhere that coffee eases with weight loss but I'm not sure I would have it in me to go without bingeing on unhealthy food for a whole day.

The cafe is small, it's kinda cute when spied at from outside, with all the vintage-looking furnishing and the brown engravings over the walls. It's jammed in-between two local stores and it's the best one to sit at and seize a lapse from home.

Minjun had left stating he had some commitment that he needed to take care of. I hadn't bothered to ask him the whereabouts of his destination; I didn't even consider the odds of how silly of an excuse that was, seeing that it's a Sunday and I know it's a weekend for him, although he's in the entertainment sector.

I didn't even think about the chances of him being with other women, right after drunkenly whispering words that meant nothing to him but a great deal to me in my ear last night.

He doesn't know I'm here, savouring and breathing under the warmth of the sunlight and a small crowd of people as my comfort. I don't want to think about the circumstances I'd face if he ever came to know - it's not going to be too comely. I make a face, shake my head and flip through a few pages from my books to offer myself some distraction.

"Jae!"

I'm acknowledged with a smile, a hug and a whole lot of kisses on my cheeks from behind my seat. I smile a little, trying my best not to show the wounds from bearing a whole night of drunken slurs through a poorly parsed expression on my face.

My best friend beams, sliding down beside me with a sweet few words of concern. I'm only hoping that she isn't masking a sad truth like I am.

Ryoko and I go way back. Our friendship flowered alongside the cherry during spring, nearly four years ago, when she joined my school as the newest addition to our batch. She's been the kindest person I've come to meet ever since and everything she says is calculated - as if she can almost see right through the leaves layering my unsightly facade. She knows I'm a picky eater and that's the most I've revealed to her of my eclipses, blank of my worries of all sorts.

"Yeah, and? Have you eaten?" She fusses, "You've become so thin!"

"We met, like, yesterday," I giggle when she dumps her bag to the side and moves to pat me on the head, "I couldn't lose weight so fast, Koko."

I could if I starved.

"I d-did! I had Japchae and some coffee before getting here." I smile through my lie, satisfied by how it gets through almost every single time.

My wrists still burn from the purple and red rims that cover their length and I tug at the ends of my long sleeves pensively. My eyes are stinging from all the tears I'm labouring not to show; all because I have to cook up a lie after lie, millions of them so she can be at peace and I can slip through this abyss unhindered.

A gash deepens the bruise in my heart when her smile broadens at my response - at my lies. I clear my throat, forcing myself to look away. 

"Let's do three hours today?" I ask, resisting the urge to permit the wavering in my stutter so I can breathe.

"Sure!"