PAPER HEARTS

07

Yoon Jae-hwa. Too young, too naive, and too gullible for the severity of the world - is something how my parents would easily describe me if they were asked to by an outsider. A typical Asian household, with its members having their eyelids crinkle to slits whenever they laughed - my parents are stern yet loving and they believe in a rough day's hard work.

My oldest sister is one of the kinds that like to spend hours together on her bed with a pair of headphones plugged to her ears. She practically breathes music. Starting from the countless genres that are stuck to her mind from decades ago, to the latest hit. She has a knack for immersing herself into the melody that stands out to her, the most.

I'm nowhere near her when it comes to being affirmative about anything against our parents. It's always the comparison that makes me stand a mile away from their expectations.

"Your sister is prettier, so she's allowed to get a few procedures done so she can stand out more."

"Your sister studied well."

"Your sister, your sister, your sister."

The one comment that stands out to me the most, although expected, but not from someone who wasn't my parent,

"She's your sister? You look so much older!"

Parties have been my worst place of visit ever since I stepped a toe in Seoul's competitive world. My aunts never miss a beat when it comes to slicing beef about how I look fatter than my mother, or how I should shed at least thirty pounds to become the prettiest version of myself.

On the outside, I'd laugh at their mockery, but my heart would burn with all the tears that went unshed.

I sit in front of my PC, a pair of my prescription glasses perched on my nose as I squint at the computer screen. My fingers impatiently click on the refresh button as I sip into my tea with a frown deepening its way into my forehead. I've been searching for YouTubers' most popular diet routines so I can be skinny and pretty, as well.

The longer I sit here, the fidgety I become. My phone sits lazily by the keyboard, its screen waiting to light up when a much-awaited call is connected to its server.

And I don't think I've felt so let down in my life before. It's been six hours since Minjun told me he would forward a few of the assignment documents that I'd accidentally saved on his pen drive, as soon as he got his break. I still haven't received so much as a message from my boyfriend.

Why has he not called back?

I clearly mentioned how I needed to complete and forward it to Ryoko so she could print it out for both of us.

I understand that he's been busy with work but a simple message couldn't nibble away one's time, right? Especially because I packed every last belonging of mine and moved into a place that's so far away from home because he said he "misses how we always used to hang out together, in the states."

But instead of stressing over it, I decided to make myself a mug of hot chocolate and a sandwich. So long as Minjun doesn't notice the two missing pieces of bread, I'm good to go.

I hiss as I take another sip, mentally screaming at myself for not being careful enough and stick my tongue out in agony. My eyes water a little as I scan the screen, scrolling through the website's homepage.

I spy a thumbnail that reads "IU DIET! 64kg - 45kg, in three weeks."

I don't think I've clicked on something so fast in my entire life. The video has an impressive amount of views, hence my enthusiasm should be appreciated.