PAPER HEARTS

27

NOTE! slight triggering content, read with caution!

"Pathetic."

The word repeats itself in my head over and over again, like the gong against the church bell going off at the wrong hour and blaring its echoes throughout the world like sirens. It's followed up with the delicate chime of the doorbell and the generic click of the door as the wooden edges latch themselves into the frame. Then, solace. It's vile, cold, and sour, and the feeling singes my heart as it sinks in my chest.

Taehyung ducks his head down, the feeling of bitter spite and anger spilling off of his core, filling the void of empty wrath boiling in his veins as he tears my skin off of his arm. Inch by inch, adding numbers to the distance between us, he begins to slip out of my reach and I can't get a hold of him anymore.

I feel numb, frozen to my spot as he walks away in a hurry, brimming me slowly, with worry and regret. Of all the things he's done, of all the things I've promised to him - I grow weary of how I don't have it in me to pull him out of this darkness. All I can is simply watch him as he runs away on impulse. I don't feel anything, I don't hear anything, and I can't see a world except for the blur of everything rattling in my mind.

I hear Hoseok mumble out a few profanities under his breath as he crouches down to pick his provisions up. Shakily, I kneel down to grab a few things and help him place them by the shelf but before I can do so, his hand curls around my wrist.

"No." He says firmly, cocking his chin to the frosty window, "Go."

And I do. Although it feels alien, and one hell of a voyage through shadows and murk, I push myself through the fog, my feet shuffling as they carry me to the entrance of the vast room. I don't need hearing it twice, coming from the fact that Taehyung has protected me time and time again, made my life so much simpler and worth living just by the crinkle of his eyes, and the gentle looks on his face. 

It's told me so much more than just the fact that he cherishes me, far beyond the stars and the clouds, for who I am; it's helped the fact that wearing a mask on someone else's defense could be so much easier than I'd conceived it would be.

The atmosphere isn't too generous on my part. The icy blast inside my chest couldn't compare to the raw air that nips my skin to a state of disability. Thick snow offers resistance to my footsteps as I stumble after him, bit by bit, step by step, the metal chains in my heart unraveling itself to allow the deep-rooted fear within me take its last flight. 

It doesn't take me long to catch up to him. Taehyung has his hands submerged inside the depths of his pockets, eyes trained on the footpath, and a sense lacking everything but acceptance.

"Taehyung," I say breathlessly, reaching to hold his hand. My fingers find their way around his wrist and I twist him around, my other hand twining around his cheek, my eyebrows are woven together as I plead him to look at me. 

"Don't do this," I force my voice to come out steadily, thumb stroking the cold skin of his face, "Don't let him get to you, I-I'm sure I don't have anything to understand about what's happened but -"

With a voice so hollow and devoid of any emotion, Taehyung clenches his teeth before interjecting coldly, "So let it stay that way." 

"Taehyung." I tighten my hold on him, "Please just ... L-listen to me, okay? Will you - will you trust me, Tae?"

He lets out a mirthless string of laughter, his demeanour bleeding with sarcasm and disinterest. Taehyung doesn't pause for me to continue, wraps his long, thin fingers around my wrist before ripping us apart all over again.  And then I see it blight his eyes, the fear, the loneliness, and the anger blazing behind his gentle brown eyes. We round the corner, walking closer to his apartment and I see the lights blaring from a couple of the flats ahead. My own heart clenches painfully when he begins to move away again.