PAPER HEARTS

20

Four breaths, the last thump of my footsteps against gravel, a voice calling my name and the air suffocating all the remaining crumbs of energy from within me. My shoes are sodden, the skin of my toes tingle with the twist of my feet. I raise my head, eyes a burning red and a puffy round of an itch that wouldn't go away. My ears resonate with the sound of hurried footsteps and quick breaths as Jeongguk scurries up to me.

I tighten my arms around myself, eyes moving wayward as his feet drag to a stop.

"N-noona, did you find him?" He pants, eyes full and round like those of the full waxing moons amongst a sea of stars. His fingers are curled around the handle of his shoulder bag and he looks at me expectantly.

I clear my throat as a sinking feeling dominates the craters in my chest, and tuck a strand of wet hair that's frozen to the side of my face behind my ear. My breath hitches in my throat, and I find it almost impossible to get so much as a syllable out of my clamped lips. And he stares. Jeongguk simply waits for me to gather my scattered thoughts, and collect myself emotionally as I bite the insides of my cheeks and rock back and forth on my stance, biting my lips nervously.

He holds a crumpled bag in one hand, and an unfurled umbrella in the other. Clad in a thick rain jacket, and a pinch of rain over his face, that creates a sweaty sheen over his skin, he looks more anxious than I'd ever seen him before. Following my gaze, he holds the bag out, hurriedly pulling a few texts and a pencil case out before handing the rest to me.

"I couldn't carry it all," Jeongguk smiles at me sheepishly, "Sorry I couldn't catch up with you. I had to persuade a woman into selling me the bag for a cheaper price."

My fingers tremble as I reach for it, the disfigured chunk of bile in my throat beginning to creep its way up to my throat as my eyes find the texture of my jacket, purse, and cellphone inside it. It comes to me then, that I'd rather rudely thrown my things at him before running away without even saying a simple word of thanks.

"S-sorry," I stutter, tightening my fingers around the handle and letting the bag sling by my side.

His eyes curiously dart across my face, and I bow my head slightly, embarrassed by how I must look like a train-wreck at such an absurd time. Then, he tucks his hand inside the side pocket of his padded jacket before bringing me a neatly folded kerchief.

"Your lipstick is smudged," a faint shade of red smearing his ears and his eyes become more that of a doe's as he becomes flustered again, "No, I'm sorry - I didn't mean it that way, I - I wasn't looking or anything, I -"

"Jeongguk," I take the piece of cloth from him, smiling fondly, "Don't be. Don't tell me you're sorry, I don't -" I release a breath, "- I don't deserve that from you."

He frowns, tilting his head to the side, "Why? Why do you say that?"

I eye his textbook and the letters spamming the brightly coloured bind stands out to me in a very catchy, and fun looking font. He's still in high school.

"Ah this," he diverts his attention to his notes before I could respond and make things any more awkward than it already is, "Hyung was bringing me to my cram school. We'd heard that you were getting discharged today, too, so he sort of wanted to see you before we were on our way-"

"Shouldn't you get going now, then?" I interject, cradling my things to my chest.

"I really should ..." he props his wrist out and stares at the dial of his watch, and his eyes find mine again, "but then I really wanted to check on hyung and see that he was okay. He never gets mad so easily -"