PAPER HEARTS

31

Seven days narrowing down to their last. I don't know where it's going to begin, but I'm all too aware of their end. It feels weird to know that I have nothing to worry about - that everything would go just as smoothly as planned - and yet, there's so much lagging behind in my head.

A portion of me refuses to tell anyone that I'm going away; even after knowing that it could be forever. But my other half nags me to start off simple and to kindle it small.

Hoseok.

He's my first victim and I'm the attorney in this game. I've known Hoseok for the shortest time. And so the assumption that my burdens would lessen at an easier pace, awakens me into saying my words of goodbye to him first. It shouldn't have been too hard on my part, saying those minuscule words that are thwarting me from my mental peace. But it just doesn't come to be that way.

We're sat at the local park, one beer each and a whole lot of contrast between his mood and mine. Hoseok is beyond thrilled about having his own parents home for the Christmas eve, and I'm slowly losing my cool whilst chugging into my drink. Sarang plays with the snow and Seokjin skids after her, begging her to be careful.

Hoseok's eyes follow my gaze and a sigh tumbles out of his lips.

"I'm still ... worried, y'know?" he lets out a nervous chuckle, rubbing a hand over his jean-clad thigh before taking another sip. 

In my mind, I'm profusely thanking him for delaying my awkward proclamation by projecting another missile into the fading conversation. I raise my eyebrows, taking another up and wiping my lips in an uncanny way and turn to him, sinking into my padded jacket for the warmth.

"What do you mean?" my voice comes out a little slurred.

"Hyung, Hope, my parents," Hoseok leans his shoulders against the wooden seat, gaze battling against the sky, "I don't know if this is the right thing to do ... my parents - they don't know about Seokjin hyung."

Our eyes drift to the aforementioned. He runs after Sarang, cautioning her about the dense, slippery snow with sheer panic scribed on his face. She pulls her tongue out at him, taunting whilst balling up a tiny handful of snow and aiming it at him. Seokjin groans when it strikes him and she continues to laugh at his look of absolute exhaustion, waddling.

My mind goes back to how he was my only friend in college, apart from Ryoko herself. The times when staying silent used to be so much easier than saying anything, and the same few months when an unimaginable amount of disconcertment would brim me to the fullest. It was okay, I'd appease myself into thinking that that was just who I was, because of all my imperfections and how I've only felt hideous about everything.

But Seokjin was a friend, all through the time. The guy was one of the only people who'd subtly check over my well-being, make sure I'd eaten a full meal, and taken care of my boredom during the classes we'd shared. He wouldn't give too much, but his actions just about blared a flash of white over his generosity.

"He's a good guy," I say softly, my voice barely touching the air.

Hoseok frowns.

"We took a few classes together," I elaborate quickly, smoothening my pants down against my thigh, "Seokjin is really, really nice. If you were worried about your daughter getting hurt," my eyes fly to the duo, "you wouldn't be here now, Hoseok."

He shifts in his seat, attention ebbing away from me as he keeps himself occupied by the dusty snow covering his shoes. I look away, biting down on my lip as apprehension fixates me for a good few minutes and I'm left wondering if I've said something wrong. The sour taste of alcohol lingers with me as my fingers begin to stiffen with the cold. The wind whistles in my ears as I stare off into the distance, clearly too spaced to notice how Seokjin had finally tackled the little one in his arms and they were squabbling about something half as trivial.