19
Literally what the fuck. I stood there in shock not knowing what to do. He just admitted to liking me as well as saying he was too scared to like me because he was afraid of loving me.
"You what?" I asked in disbelief.
"I said... I said that I'm scared of loving you." He said with his head down low.
"Why?"
He looked up at me and I swear my heart stopped as he looked me dead in the eye. The butterflies in the stomach had turned into a herd of elephants running a million miles a minute with no exact destination.
"I've never been in love before and I don't want to break your heart or mess up." He admits.
We stood there together for a moment. His eyes searching my face for an answer or a comment or something from me and I stood there looking for a question to ask.
"You've never dated anyone before? I could have sworn you had a girlfriend." I asked him.
"Well yeah I've dated and I have...met up with a bunch of different girls before but I've never loved anyone in the way-" he abruptly cut himself off but I had a hunch on what he was going to say.
I'm kind of glad he didn't say it because I know that I don't feel the same way about him yet. I mean we were literally just arguing 10 minutes ago.
"Oh. Okay."
"Um, have you ever loved someone before?" Harry asked me in a soft and quiet voice.
"I think so," I replied.
"What do you mean you think? Shouldn't you know when you like, let alone love someone?" Harry asked with a slight chuckle.
"I know you are not asking me that question, buddy." I chuckled along with him.
"Okay, so what happened."
"Freshman year I started dating this kid. We dated up until the middle of junior year. Everything was great at first, it was honestly the best first relationship I could ask for. He was so sweet and kind and funny. I mean we were a normal couple, we fought sometimes, and we had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, we knew that we still loved each other. But toward the beginning of our junior year, I just didn't feel the same way about him. We both started to drift from each other and fall out of love. That just happens sometimes.
"But I didn't want to break up with him because... well, I guess it was because I was scared of being alone. I mean after being with someone all the time for 3 years and then not seeing them, it's kind of scary. So I held off on it for months and each day the spark got duller and duller but I didn't want to be alone again. I felt selfish for keeping him tied up in a relationship that we both didn't want to be in anymore so I eventually let us go. It wasn't necessarily hard to do because I wasn't holding on to much but there was still a little part of me that didn't want to let go. But everything's fine now. He's happy and in love with another girl and I am content with the way life is going for me so far."
He studied my face after I finished talking. I could tell that he was thinking of what to say next. We sat in silence for a few seconds before he spoke.
"Are you satisfied with being content?" Harry asked me.
I contemplated for a moment, I really thought about my answer before I responded.
"Yeah...I think so. There is no risk when you're content. There is nothing to be scared of. It's the middle ground in life and it's comforting." I answered honestly.
"Content isn't happy, Jade."
I shrugged my shoulder and gave him a look that said, "oh well."
"I'm serious Jade. You truly deserve nothing but the best. I am truly sorry for everything I have put you through, but can I just say I despite it all, the ups and the downs that I have caused in this friendship, I am so glad that I got to meet you and become friends with you."
My heart warmed up with every word he spoke. I do deserve the best and I do deserve happiness. Every single one of us, every single human being that graces this earth deserves nothing but happiness.
"Well, thank you for being my friend Harry." I smiled at him, placing my hand over his.
"And to think, I wouldn't have even given you the time of day if I hadn't got stuck with you." He said with a playful smile on his face.
"And now look at you, I made you go soft." I stuck my tongue out at him.
"I'm not so sure about that." He said with a smirk.
"HARRY!" I yelled and slapped him in the arm but he just laughed and I eventually laughed with him.
"Don't be dirty, Harry."
"My sincerest apologies," he says with a bow.
We sat there and just laughed with each other for a couple more minutes. There was no way I could pull this smile off my face. Even if I tried, the muscles in my face would do everything in their power to keep that smile on my face and I was more than okay with that.
As our laughter died down, I couldn't help but stare at him. The way his eyes closed and his nose crinkled a bit when he laughed was adorable. The sound of his laughter was enough to put anyone in a good mood. Despite what many would think, he is just as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and I realized he was staring at me too. His eyebrows were furrowed as he studied my face with concentration. I was about to say something until he spoke.
"I don't want to look at anyone but you."
