Why can't you just love me?

15.

Romans POV

"Seth I don't know what to do," I sighed, "she's completely shut me out. And every time I go over there she says she's fine and slams the door in my face. I just want to know she's okay."

I buried my head in my hands. I couldn't lose her, not after all this. I looked for her without giving up for over a month.
"I don't know what to suggest man, she's probably mad. She probably doesn't know how to process how she's feeling." Seth replied.
"Go talk to her, she trusts you." I begged Seth.
"I mean I'll try but no promises." He shrugged.

Chelsie's POV

I'd turned my bedroom and living room into an investigation hub. I never let Roman in because he wouldn't agree with what I was doing. He'd want me to leave it. But nope I couldn't, I needed revenge for my little boy. I'd started a self defence class and started going to the gun range. I wanted to find and kill Johnny and Michael and I wouldn't stop until I did. I don't care about repercussions right now. My angry thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. When would Roman get the hint? There was more persistent knocking until I was forced to open it.
"Fucks sake I'm coming," I shouted. I cracked the door open slightly. "Seth?" I sighed, kind of relieved to see him and not Roman there. He had iced coffee and chocolate in his hands. He knew the way to my heart. If only I'd have been with him and not Roman, things would be a lot different right now.
"I come bearing gifts," He smiled sweetly. "Can I come in?"
I nodded and opened the door more and ushered him inside.
"Let me guess he sent you?"I snarled at him,
"Do I need an excuse to check up on my friend that's been through a rough time?" Seth replied confused at my hostility.
"I suppose not," I replied.
"How you doing?" He asked.
"I'm fine, and I wish people would stop asking me that." I replied sulkily.
"Ok, ok I get it. What have you been up to? You look like you haven't left your flat for weeks." Seth quizzed me more.
"You know, catching up on the school work I missed. There's a lot of it." I replied gesturing at all the paper around the room, which was actually my investigations on Michael and Johnny, not at all school work.
Seth picked up a piece of paper. I reached out to try and stop him but it was too late.
"Chelsie what is this?" Seth half shouted at me.
"It's school work, like I said." I tried to lie to him.
"Is this why you haven't been letting Roman in? Because you're trying to find them?!" Seth shouted more now. I put my head down. "Are you insane? After what these people did to you, you want to find them? Why?" I could see Seth getting angry now. I snatched the paper out of his hand.
"Because I need too, I need to know why they did this. And because I need revenge. I need to make them pay for what they did to my little boy." I shouted back as I let a small tear fall down my cheek. "If you tell Roman about this, I will never fucking talk to you again. Do you understand?" I composed myself and threatened him.
Seth nodded, "I just don't understand why you would want to find the people that did this too you, it hurts me that your hurting." He said sorrow in his eyes.
"Seth I'm not hurting anymore, I'm angry. That's why I'm pushing Roman away because I don't want that anger to be projected on to him. I feel like this is partly his fault. Their problem was with Roman, I just got caught in the crossfire." I sighed.
"Why don't you tell him that then? Why don't you talk to him. He's hurting more than you'll ever know. He didn't sleep for days at a time whilst you were gone. And even then I'd have to beg him to sleep for a few hours. He loves you, he just wants you to be ok. And I think he'd do anything to help you be ok." Seth smiled sweetly again. God dammit, I could not resist his smile.
"I just don't need him around right now Seth, once my revenge is complete then I'll think about it." I said.
"You really think revenge is going to help you? And what revenge have you planned exactly?" Seth inquired.
"I'm going to kill them Seth." I replied dead seriously.
"Are you joking? And what then? You get arrested and go to prison ruining the rest of your life?!" He was getting angry again.
"I don't care at this point Seth, I need to do what I need to do." I said passionately.
"Do you really think this will make you feel any better? You'll be just as bad as them!" Seth shouted.
"Can you get out now? I don't need your judgements Seth. You have no idea what I've been through. You don't know the pain of losing a child. So please get the fuck out of my house. And not a fucking word to Roman."
Seth nodded in agreement as he got up to leave.
"Seth I mean it, I need to do this. So you can either be with me or against me." I said.
"I'm with you Chelsie, I just don't want you to end up hurt or in prison." Seth said with sorrow in his eyes.
"If I do you can say I told you so, okay?" I replied.
"Okay," he smiled, he gave me a hug and left.
The investigation continued. I would find where they'd gone, and I would make them pay.