"i fucked up."
"i know that." he spat back.
"i've been avoiding you," i spoke quietly. our eye contact broke as i looked around at the poorly lit street. the neighborhood was silent, except for a faint sound of cars passing by occasionally. tall houses stood over us, "i didn't know when it was right to talk, i know you're bu-"
his eyes were still on me as he interrupted, "i've never been too busy for you."
i looked up at him. his voice sounded different since we've last spoke. he's certainly grown since i've been home.
grown was an understatement - he's unrecognizable.
his gold chains peeked from his black hoodie as he stood, shifting uncomfortably. he sucked his left cheek in, biting the bottom portion of it a bit, which enhanced his jaw kindly. his eyes were set on mine for a slight second before he looked down at his shoes: black old skool vans with flames on each side - in perfect condition. typical.
"mattia, it wasn't my fau-"
mattia glanced to the side as i spoke, before he began to speak over me. his large hand thrown in the air.
"but it WAS your fault, blair," he raised his voice slightly as he placed his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, emphasizing the word 'was.' he drew his large hand across his forehead in frustration before licking his bottom lip gently - growing annoyed, "the least you could have done was say goodbye."
the street stood still, the mid-may air breezed, and the silence began again, but his eyes remained the same - low and red. i looked up at him before looking at the pavement, what if i say the wrong thing?
"bye, ciao, adios? thousands of languages to choose from and i didn't get shit from you." he added.
"you left me."
i stood quietly, my cheeks began to burn. i looked up at his tall figure before it began to become unbearable to face him, as it always did when things got complicated between us. i could run the other way and stay locked up in my house forever.
but, he was right, to say the least.
i remained silent, not sure of what to say.
what COULD i say? "sorry i left and didn't say goodbye, despite the fact that we've been, well were friends for years - i was throwing a little tantrum, hope you understand?"
i stood still, mattia watched.
mattia inched closer to my body as we stood on the sidewalk. the dim street light above us began to shine on his face. his large hand inched towards my face gently. mattia pushed my hair behind my ear, his cold fingers touching my skin, sending goosebumps down my arms. his ring softly brushed against the side of my cheek. mattia leaned down slightly to level with me, he placed his face parallel to the side of my jaw, and opened his mouth slightly. - his warm breath reaching my neck harshly before moving to my ear. he whispered, "are you sure you know what avoiding someone means?"
i nodded my head gently.
"then why am i standing in front of you?" he continued his question.
he looked into my eyes once more before standing upright and walking past me. i watched as he walked up the front stairs of his porch. the front door opened, the light from the front hall lit the doorway, his tall silhouette appeared and vanished in one swift motion.
i stood in shock, the same place mattia left me.
"welcome home."
_______________
"welcome home!" a faint voice yelled excitedly.
"blair, look!"
"blair... blair.... B-L-A-I-."
a tiny, warm finger touched my left cheek slightly, i shot my eyes open and picked my head up from the window seal of the car, "holy fuc-fudge what?" i widened my eyes gently before realizing it was corrine.
the sign outside the window read "totowa, new jersey" blurring as we drove by, my mom pointed at it.
i rubbed my eyes slightly, before glancing to the side of me. "whose mateo?" corrine asked, her eyes burning holes into my cheek as i watched out the window. i turned my head down to her and scrunched my eyebrows. mateo?
was i asleep?
"no, cor. - she said ma-te-yuh." ansel spoke as he looked down at his phone, texting. "-uh, not -oh, get it?" he grinned slyly without looking at me.
"ohhhh! mattia polibio! are you excited to see him, blair?" my mom dragged out 'oh' in excitement.
geez.
mom turned to look at me from the front seat. she lowered her sunglasses a bit to make eye contact with me, a huge smile plastered on her face, "have you all kept in touch? we should stop by soon."
i forced a smile at her, widening my eyes slightly.
"i was just texting mattia," ansel looked up as he stretched his long legs out a bit, "i'll ask when we can meet up?" he suggested, pushing his black sunglasses up off the bridge of his nose.
'i'll ask when we can meet up." i mimicked quietly to myself with a scrunched face, watching outside of the window.
"whose mattia?" corrine and dad asked in unison.
"mattia polibio is no one."
"oh blair, stop that." mom said, rolling her eyes gently as she opened her book again. "you know fine and well that mattia polibio is not no one." her eyes shot up in disbelief as she repeated my words.
"he's famous now you know, elio? on that tic-tac app." she said, throwing her hand out in slight confusion towards my dads shoulder. dad raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, just as confused.
"tik-tok, mom." ansel and corrine said in unison as they chimed in, "and mattia was blair's boyfr- bestfriend" he smiled, "before we moved, remember?" ansel continued.
"yes, that." mom pointed at them, focused on her book.
dad didn't budge, no recollection of mattia - lucky him. to be fair, dad did work every second of every day when we lived here before.
before leaving to california, mom and dad weren't too great. dad worked every minute he was awake, regardless of the time or day. mom worked a semi-normal schedule. sometimes she would be gone days or weeks but it was always followed by a period of her being solely home. she knew to leave work at work, and to tend to family matters when she was home but obviously - dad didn't get the memo. clearly, they knew as well as we did that things were different but i never imagined we'd leave our home. we left to california and everything changed. dad worked from home, but limited how much he worked and mom continued her schedule as a flight attendant.
"i'll kill you." i mouthed to ansel, emphasizing my words slightly so he could understand. i pushed my hair back behind my ear, my eyes on him.
he blinked at me once before tapping twice on his airpod. he watched me with an unamused stare, "who?"
"you." i replied.
"asked."
