O.C.D [ Fransykes ]

9. Lights

Oli's pov

Tuesday when I get in first block Josh is looking at me. I wonder if he considers us acquaintances or are we friends? We dont talk but I no longer hate him. It's not a big difference, I can still climb his tree and he's not stealing my friends.

I sit next to him because it's my spot and he's looking at the bored now. I'm in a decent mood today, it's funny. People say 'you need to get laid' when a guy seems upset. Maybe that's true. I didn't get laid but I did cum. I smile a little but to hide it I bit my bottom lip. Is it wrong to lust over my friend?

I don't care I missed sexual stuff, maybe well do it again? Or I can man up and get me a boyfriend.  I feel like I'm being watched so I look up to see josh is looking at me. "You seem happy?" He says and I blush.

"Y-yeah, um, I hung out with my friend and it got my mind refreshed," I say trying to seem calm. That is true, we just got a bit physical. He nods.

"Friend?" He asks.

"Yeah, Jordan. You met him when you went to his house with me," I say.
He he says oh and then the teacher starts talking so everyone in the class stops and listens.

-

The bell rings so we all start leaving. My anxiety perks up and I feel uncomfortable. I hate crowded hallways. Josh seems to be waiting for me but I'm waiting for everyone to leave the room.

"I was thinking," josh starts.

"Wow really?" I say acting surprised. He makes a 'really' face and I smile. We leave the class and I start walking to my 2nd block class.

"Ha. Ha. But anyways, would you like to come over to my house? We live close together so I thought it would be nice to be your friend," he says. I have 5 minutes to get to my other class so I lean against my locker so I can talk to josh without being in peoples way.

Josh stands in front of me very close and I blush. "Sure, when?" I say and he looks down at my hoodie. Oh my god do I look okay? Why is he so close?

"How about after school we'll walk home together?" He says.

"Okay, this is my locker, could we meet here?" I say and he smiles and nods.

"Yeah see you then," he says and leaves. I blush and watch him leave. I know he's straight.. but.. fuck he looks so hot. I'd love to have him pen me against the lockers.. I huff and go to my next class.

-

When I go into my fourth and last block I see josh. We look at each other surprised and the teacher frowns at me. "I thought you finally dropped out," he says seeming disappointed.

"Nope, still here," I mumble going to my seat that happens to be the one in front of Josh. I'm tired, I feel anxiety because of this class. It's so out of order. I put my earbuds in secretly and put my head on my desk.

If I cant see or hear it I might be able to not freak out. It's okay. I need to turn off the lights.. one is out. I look at it and frown. If they are all of it would fix the problem. But I cant, this is a class.

Take out my earbuds and look around. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Everyone is out of order. I raise my hand holding my sleeve so it wont fall down. The teacher looks at me but looks away. I put my hand down. "Mr. Snap, please can I go?" I say and he ignores me.

It's okay.

I look at at the light. Fuck. That kids shoes are untied. Ew this desk is dirty. That light is bothering me. "Oli?" Josh says but I cant concentrate. Anxiety is in my system corrupting my thoughts.

The light

Desk

Those shoes

I'm being ignored

I'm okay

It's okay

Fuck

I stand up and look at the random kid with untied shoes. "Tie them," I say and he looks at me like I'm crazy. Everyone is looking at me. The light is fucking killing me.

"Oli sit down," the teacher says.

I go to the lights and turn them off and everyone gasps. "Turn the lights back on," Snap yells. Fuck. I turn them on but then off.

"Its okay sir," I hear and the Josh turns on the light and drags me out. The door doesn't shut right. No. "Calm down, let's go somewhere else," he says and I open and shut the door fixing it.

"Come on," Josh says grabbing my wrist and starts walking. I feel horrible. Tears brim to my eyes. That light is still out. They need to turn off the lights. Tears fall and I hiccup a little. Josh looks at me and when he sees in crying he freezes. I look away and sniffle.

"U-under the bleachers," I mumble and he starts to walk again. I wipe my tears with my free hand. My body's shaking and I really really really want to go turn off that light.

When we step outside I cover my eyes. It's to bright. I stop walking making josh stop to since he's holding my wrist. I pouts and look at the ground with teary eyes. Slowly I start walking and josh walks my pace.

When we get to the bleachers we go under then and I sit down and wipe my new tears away. "Why are you crying?" Josh asks sitting in front of me.

"T-the light, and shoes.. why can't they tie their shoes?" I whine and he wipes my tears surprising me. Why is he being nice.

"I dont really know anything about OCD, should I be doing something? Are you calming down?" He says and I shrug.

Okay.

Stop.

I close my eyes and breath out.

Everything is fine. I'm outside so no lights are wrong. That boy probably tied his shoe. I'm okay. Josh isn't judging me. We are outside.

"Yeah.. I'm calmer.. but um.. the only important thing is dont bring something up that messed with me. Like the fucking light. It's over. Also doing what I say is important, if you dont I could have a freak out.." I mumble and he nods.

"Wow its fucking hot out here, do you want to go to my house now?" He says.

"Yeah, hold on," I say wiping my tears more. I close my eyes and breath for a second. Something I forget to breath. I get up and he gets up too. We start walking off campus and I feel sweat already trying to form under my many layers. My binder is uncomfortable and I want to sleep. But I'm also excited to see what she do at his house.

Will I have fun?

Why is he inviting me over? Because it's convenient company? I look at him and feel my face heat up. He's really hot.. ugh, why are all hot and all the hot boys straight and all the nice girls gay? I want a boyfriend or girlfriend. But not a crazy one like Kells.

Or one like Ronnie.. I just want a nice guy. Like Josh.. but gay. I don't want him because he wont like me for my guy mind. He'll see my girl body and that would be the only reason he's attracted to me. So josh.. I cant want him. I'm going to get top surgery soon so it's not like I'll have a girl body for too long.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do bottom surgery but I'm hoping for it. I'll be getting the keyhole surgery. It's going to make it look like I was born flat chested.  I'm pretty flat chested now but I can't go around shirtless. With the surgery I will be able to, if I wanted too. Nobody will even know I got surgery because the scars will be around the nipples and really small. Plus scars fade so with time even if you know what to look for it will be hard to tell.

So saying that I need a guy who respects me as a guy and likes me as a guy..

I doubt josh would..

Not saying he's transphobia but he's not even gay so he'll never like me.

Thoughts?

Questions?

Theories?

Observations?

Josh?

Oli?