O.C.D [ Fransykes ]

27. rainy days

Oli's pov

Yesterday was so nice. I'm still happy and giggly. In my room I draw hearts on my legs. It's a little difficult with a marker because my legs are hairy but it's still turning out okay.

"Olivia!"

Oh..  I pull up my sweatpants and put away my markers. "Olivia! Answer me when I fucking call you," my dad barks when he opens my door. Why is he talking to me?

"Sorry i-"

"Well dont fucking speak now! You're mom is in the hospital and its you're fault. So get the fuck out," he screams at me. I'm use to him yelling at me and screaming but what makes me freak out is apparently my mom is in the hospital.

Olivia..

Why does that name hurt so bad? I rush out because he's yelling at me to get out. When I'm out of my house it's raining harshly. Okay. It's okay. I'll get josh or his mom to drive me to the hospital. Its no problem.

Quickly I run to Josh's and knock on his door. I look over at mine to see my dad's angry eyes. He knows me and josh are dating and hates it so much. He's not answering? I look at the driveway, their car isn't there.. I need to get to the hospital.. it's over a hour away walking..

Thunder clashes making me flinch. I hate thunder. I run back to my house. I need my phone so I can call someone.  The door is locked. Locked.. thunder rumbles and I feel scared. I need to get to my mum. I start banging on the door. "P-please let me in!" I yell. My dad has done cruel stuff to me but I was thinking he was done.

He hasn't hit me in over a week. Maybe he has pity on me? "Please!?" I yell still banging on the door. The door swings open and I'm shoved back with his large hands.  I trip off the porch and land on my back in the mud. My breath leaves my lungs and I cough.

"Say you're a girl and I'll let you in," he says and I push myself up into a sitting position.

"I'm a guy.." I mumble.

He throws a newspaper at me making me flinch. "Fucking hell! Olivia! You are not a guy! At at! What do you have in between your legs? A dick? No! You are a fucking female!" He yells as I cry in the mud.

Its okay.

"Are you a girl?" He asks forcefully.

"N-no," I cry out and he looks so pissed off.

"Did you know 9 in 10 transgender freaks kill themselves? Why don't you?" He yells. 9 in 10 trans people have thought about it.. not went through with it. He goes inside and locks the door.

Why dont I?

I get up and look at my house. My house? Did I just get kicked out? My mom's in the hospital? I turn and look at Josh's empty house. Thunder rumbles and I choke on my sob. What am I supposed to do?

Look the opposite way of Josh's and cross my arms. Timidly I start walking. I need to see my mum.. The longer I walk the sadder I get. The rain gets harder and my trans tape is coming off and getting damaged.

I'm forced to take it off and cry more when I see its ruined... I hate littering but at this point I don't even care as I toss it into the wet grass. It takes me almost two hours before I get to the hospital. I look like a wet rat as I walk in. My clothes are clinging to my body and I only have on a gray tshirt so these people can see all detail of my body. I have my arms crossed over my chest as I go to the front desk.

The lady seems like she hates me already. "C-can I see Emily Sykes?" I ask and the lady rolls her eyes and does some typing.

"She check in a 2 hours ago and only stayed for 20 minutes," she says and I feel my heart ache. My dad knew I would walk..

"Oh.. can I use a phone?" I ask and she gives me a work phone slamming it down making me flinch. I type in my mum's number and then call her. When she answers she sounds distant and sad.

"M-mum? I'm at the-"

"Oli, I'm sorry honey but I cant help you right now," she says and the line goes dead. What? I try to call her again but she doesn't pick up.

I dont know anyone else's number.. looks like I'm walking back.. I burst into tears and rush out. My legs are already so sore..

As I'm walking back I bully myself. I'm so ugly. I'm a girl.. my hair is shit. I'm so dumb. I fail all my classes. I cant do anything right. Josh probably doesn't love me... as I'm crossing a bridge I look down over the edge. I could jump. My dad would like that. My mom wouldn't care..

She would just have another baby maybe adopt and ta da, she would replace me just like how she replace Tom.. slowly I walk home filling my mind with negativity.

By the time I get home I'm shaking so bad and I'm freezing. The door is unlocked so I walk in and I hear my parents screaming at each other. Why does she even love him? He's abusive.

I go to my room and look at my mirror. My shirt is soaking wet stuck to my body. I'm so ugly.. the yelling stops when I shut my door. After a moment of silence my door opens and my dad is telling at me and my mum is yelling at him. "Oli go away, come back tomorrow or something," my mom yells at me. I put her in danger..

When I try to pass my dad he grabs my hair and yanks me to the floor. I cry out in pain and mum backs away shutting her eyes and covering her ears. He yells at me but I block it out. After he's done he kicks me in the side and then I scurry away and out of my house back into the rain.

I hate everything..

Thoughts

Theories