Niall's POV
It is a Friday night and I'm with my mates, drinking in a local pub here in London. The boys and I are planning on going golfing next weekend and maybe go to a concert.
Then after a drink or two, we all left and head back home.
When I entered my house, I changed into a sweater and sweats and went to lie on my bed. I took a big sigh and stare at the ceiling, thinking about her, again.
On a daily basis, I still thinking about her. Wondering how is she doing, how is she coping up with our break-up, is she feeling better? Is she happier now?
(Y/N) and I broke up three months ago and I still can't move on. All the memories and nights we shared for almost a year just quickly went by. Usually on a friday night we go on a date in the park or in a bowling alley or in a karaoke bar that we usually go to in L.A.
Sometimes when I go check on my Instagram, I can't stop looking at her Instagram posts or stories. I'm glad that I'm seeing her happy and successful on her pictures. But when I look into her eyes, I can tell that there's something bothering her and I wish she will just call me and tell me that she's not doing well or okay.
I also go through our messages and read them from the beginning until the end. I just can't get her off my mind. I really do want to move on but I just can't and I don't know why and how.
I hope she feels the same way.
But I know, even though it hurts, she is better without me.
I closed my eyes trying to get myself some sleep but these thoughts are arguing with me, making me to not fall asleep. I toss on the other side of my bed and closed my eyes but I still can't drift into darkness.
“Let's be real, Horan. You're not going to sleep, you're wasting your time.” I said to myself
I stood up from my bed and went to the living room to grab my guitar at the corner of the room. It's therapeutic to me when I hold my guitar and play a few chords or play on my piano.
As I was playing this specific riff, the words that is coming from my mouth just fits perfectly with the tune.
Another Friday night trying to put on a show
Do you hate the weekends
Cause nobody's calling
I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin
So darling
I grabbed my phone and played it again while singing the words that naturally comes out of my lips.
It's been a couple of minutes and I already came up with the two verses of the song. I don't know what to write on the chorus and the bridge and I'm also getting sleepy so I head back to my bedroom and drifted off to sleep.
~•~
“Where have you been?” I ask (Y/N) as she entered on our shared apartment
“What do you mean where have I been? I've gone to work, where else should I go?” She asked
I can tell from her voice that she was exhausted but so was I. I've been receiving photos of her and with some guy having dinner on a restaurant and holding hands while strolling in London these past couple of days. She's been going home 2 hours late and I really do believe her and trust her that she's not cheating on me.
“For crying out loud, (Y/N)! You've been going home 2 hours late! It's driving me crazy! You didn't even bother to call or text me! I'm getting worried don't you get that?!” I said standing up from the couch while throwing my hands in the air due to annoyance “Then I see these random photos of you in a middle of nowhere that you are with some guy!”
“Are you saying that I'm cheating on you?!” She asked dropping her hand bag down “Niall! If I was cheating on you I will not be staying here with you!”
“Tell me who is he.”
“He is nobody.” She said as her eyes starts to glisten
“If he's nobody then why are you with him at a time like this?”
“Nothing.”
“So if he is a nobody and no reason to hangout with him then what is it?” I asked as I feel a lump in my voice “Please don't lie to me. Let's end this right here, right now.”
As I look into her eyes, I knew that she wants to say something to me and I'm dying to know.
“Niall, I'm sorry. Please let me explain..” Then I heard nothing
I shook my head, then I turned around, walking towards our bedroom. Then I felt her cold hands holding mine and she kneeled in front of me sobbing.
“Niall I'm so sorry.”
I forced myself not to kneel down and hold her and tell her that everything will be alright because it won't. It will never be. She knew I had troubles in trusting people and she knew I'm afraid of being left alone, but she did everything I fear of and it hurts me that it's her. The person I really love can do this to me.
“I'm sorry too, (Y/N).” I said before closing the door and cried
~•~
As I woke up, I felt dried tears on my cheeks and I sat up from my bed and check what time it is. I've been sleeping for 5 hours and the night (Y/N) and I's argument before I left haunted in my sleep, once again. It's the night that I didn't want to remember but it's still coming back to me after all the chaos that happened between us.
I head straight to the living room and continued writing the last few verses of the song.
It's been a few minutes and I'm still not satisfied with the lyrics that I wrote.
I need more inspiration.
So I walked to the park to clear my mind and have a bit of fresh air. It was a sunny day in London and the weather was perfect for a Saturday morning.
While I was sitting on the side of the fountain, I thought I was dreaming but I saw her standing there and I think she saw me because her eyes widened. She jogged at my direction and I stood up.
“Hi.” She said in a breath
“Hi.” I said
Not going to lie, I miss her.
“How you've been?”
“Fine. You?”
“Niall, I just want to say that--”
I'm still here to listen to her and comfort her no matter what happened way back. I must admit, I was selfish for a few weeks after the break-up and I asked myself what went wrong that made her cheat on me. As soon I started healing, I realized maybe she wasn't the right person or it wasn't the right time.
That's life right?
But a part of me also still hoping that she'll beg for another chance and I am fully-hearted to give her a last one.
“Niall, you're the only one I need.”
“Put your love on me.” I said and I got teary-eyed
She is the only one I need and I'm willing to risk everything, for her and for us.
***
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