(Cry of the Defiler)
~
When he found out about my past
He sat right there; couldn't gasp
Friend I knew, but I knew
It wouldn't last
When I spoke my shame
Things weren't the same
I ran with foxes of the night
We preyed on those who couldn't fight
Our favorite victims of our power
Was treading on the doves and the flowers
Innocence I did steal
Yet couldn't feel
We grasped and we tore
Like wine; wanted more
In this I was blind
Until I was brought from the night
It was by you, my friend
The darkness came to an end
Chains on my hands
And veils on my eyes
I was brought to the light
And it was there that I saw
At the foot of a tree
The man who bore
My sins and disease
The mind and the strength
That He gave and I possessed
I used to defile, taint, and transgress
In the light I saw myself
Condemning Him to my trials
The light became my horror
As I saw my true self, defiled
The burden of my anger
Upon His pure shoulders
And He received it willingly
The Man of all Sorrows
I saw Him in the eyes of His doves
As I snuffed out their light one by one
And why would He give in return His love
When my sin caused the death of His Son?
The light saved my soul
From this dark, captivating dream
O how could anyone; even their Maker
Love such a one as me?
I struck out at the dove
I and the foxes of the night banded together
We besmirched the flower of the field
And tore at her wings and feathers
And the light showed in that moment and face
The One who I was hurting
And yet forgave to take my place
The death blows and hatred
I laid with every wound and stripe
This condemnation, He took it all
So that I might have His life
The punishment and hand to stop
This hand of war
Was removed so I could be bought
And He rejected and poor
How could the Maker stand by
And let me do this to His doves?
How could the Father give me life
When I killed His only Son?
O the light reveals me for what I am
And I can neither flee nor stand
The light is too much! It becomes a deserved weight!
And eternal wrath unhindered
And all the judgment take!
Now, O Master
Though I cannot explain
Somehow, through belief
I have been saved
You promised You would give
And You would bless
When I reached out and confessed
That You are my Father
And I am Your son
To accept the salvation
That the price is paid and done
~~~
It was then when I told of my past
To my brother; to my friends
One by one they all left
And our fellowship came to an end
It has come again, a shadow and a cloud
And with a heart broken again, I plead
For with this new-found hurt
I am filled with doubt and say:
"How Father, could you love such a one as me?"
For though I have faith
You promised and will forgive
The hurt I have dealt
Is so much harder to forget
I understand if they cannot stay
For the hurt I have dealt; the shame
So, alone with soul convicted
And a heart, broken
I cannot help but know again these griefs
And cry out to You, Savior:
"How could you love such a one as me?"
