A girl with principle

Ch-44 A Girl Is Confused

"Manha..." I breathed, as she entered our home, she was crying in mom's arms. This was the first word I've said since my father's death.

I stood up on my feet and went to her, I waited till she meets mom. When mom and she parted I fell on her arms and hugged her tightly. 

"Mujhe maaf kardo.
I am sorry." I whispered in her ear.

"Mujhe maaf kar do.
I am so sorry."

"Maine tumahri baat nahi suni.
I didn't listen to you."

"Mujhe maaf kar do.
I am sorry."

She put one hand on my back and patted me once. I felt something weird about her, like was not happy with me.

"Koi baat nahi unki itni hi zindagi thi.
It's okay. he only has this much life."

I nodded. This is the first time I cried after my father's death. She hugged everybody else and I sat there...sobbing.

**

"Akhir ke dino mein, wo bas tum dono ko hi yaad kiya karte the or kehte the meri beti Hooriya kab ayegi mujhse milne?
In his last days, he only remember you two and says my daughter Hooriya, when will she come to meet me?"

Tears were falling from all three of us eyes as we lay down on the bed. The lump in my throat grew.

"Kehte the jab wo ayegi to usse hath jodkar maafi magunga.
He used to say when she comes I will joint my hands and ask for forgiveness from her."

My silent tears turned into loud sobs. "Aur main aayi hi nahi.
And I didn't come."

"Hooriya, you are such a good daughter.
Tum bohot achi beti ho. Tum sar jhuka kar unke har hukum par chalti rahin aur pata hai is bat ka unko hamesha se sabse zyada guroor tha. Bas Hooriya beta tum unko maaf kar dena.
Hooriya, you are a very good daughter. Bowing your head, you did as he said and you know he was very proud about it."

"Ammi main unko kyu maaf karun? Mujhe unse koi shikayat hi nhi hai. Unhone jo kiya, kuch soch-samajh kar, meri bhalayi ke liye hi kiya hoga.
Mom why would I forgive him? I have no complaints for him. What he did, he did for some reason, he did for my well-being."

Talking about dad, mom slept. I stood up and went to the kitchen to eat something.

"Main tujhse naraaz thi.
I was mad at you." Manha declared.

"Mujhe laga hi tha.
I've figured."

I was putting jam on to the bread and she started putting butter onto the other.

"Tu khud ko blame karegi ab haina?
You're going to blame yourself aren't you?" I didn't say anything. "Khud ko blame mat karna. Maut ka apna waqt hai. Main bhi yahan nahi thi to mera koi haq nahi banta tujhse naraaz hone ka.
Don't blame your self. Death has a fixed time. I wasn't here either so I am no one to be mad at you."

I nodded. She intently watched the bread and I knew she was thinking... deeply.

"You know what Hooriya, hamare beech kya problem hai?
What's the problem between us?"

"Hamare beech koi problem hai?
There's a problem between us?"

She nodded, "Tumhe hamesha se ye lagta tha ke meri life perfect hai main bohot sorted hoon etcetera etcetera, kyunki maine tumko kabhi apni problems show nahi ki. As a badi behen you know, main tumhari problems mein khadi rahi aur apni problems hamesha khud handle kari.
You always thought that I have a perfect life, sorted thing etcetera etcetera. I never showed you my problems. As an elder sister I always stand by you and handle my problems on my own.