bruised
—
a faint smile graced her features as she wiped off the thin layer of dust that was covering the box. she let herself fall on the couch, eyes riveted on the small carton right in front of her.
several minutes passed and she hadn't moved... she eventually got closer, raising her skinny hand with hesitation. all that was left from the few months spent by his side was inside. the hand fell, and gripped the mahogany coffee table. her heart was beating erratically because of the what ifs her mind was full of. she had been better lately, although it was still a long way to go. she brushed her freshly cut hair back, still wet from her recent tepid shower. she had gained weight and tried to take good care of herself. the wounds, the bluish-purple bruises her heart was covered by would heal. she hoped so. optimism was a feeling she hadn't had in so long that it almost became foreign. she couldn't, and she wouldn't fall again.
she fought depression for too many years to count. years of sleepless nights, years of regrets, fear and blame... it came to a point where the group therapy was the only door she could knock at. the location didn't change, same old shabby building at the corner of the first. one step in, and the same lingering scent attacked her nostrils. but something had changed throughout the years. these times, she faced the therapist instead of being next to them, taking notes, as she used to. quite ironic.
before him, she was the kind of person who had the sun rising into their eyes. the beauty shining from within her was even more mesmerising than the one appearing to the gazes. her presence reminded of the crisp air cooling down a summer night. she had such a bright demeanor, ever since she was a child. the girl had always expressed how she loved life and people, how she wanted to do something meaningful with the time that had been given to her on earth. nobody was surprised when she began to assist a therapist on his evening sessions. she was 23 at that time, 23 when jimin park crossed her path and significantly impacted it. with him, she believed she was a greater version of herself. the greatest version she had ever been...
when he vanished, a part of her left as well. and after him, everything went downhill. the person she used to be was gone. she became depressed and hollow, emotionally and financially carried by her parents. she knew they suffered as much as she did. the guilt she felt for putting her parents into such a situation was immeasurable. they deserved so much better. they had witnessed their only daughter, the love of their lives, slowly sinking into darkness without knowing the why.
falling, irremediably.
—
