chips
—
she watched the last beams of sunlight fading through the curtains, her cheek pressed to the rose velvet pillow. darkness was slowly inviting itself into her room. just as jimin was, into the deepest parts of her mind, at some late hours of the day. the eerie silence wasn't helping the sadness that menaced to engulf her. she stared at the ceiling, her painfully dry eyes slowly getting accustomed to the lack of light.
she grabbed from under the bed a pack of chips, contemplating the idea of opening it or not. as every human being, she had moments of weakness. when her feelings overwhelmed her, something that happened on a daily basis, she usually found solace in cigarettes. sweet and intoxicating stick, its chemicals invading her, its silver grey smoke waltzing in the already thick air, stick bringing a temporary euphoria to a permanently depressed mind... she knew it all. her teeth were incredibly white for someone who smoke that much. again, she had moments of weakness. and she didn't muster the strength to sweep them away.
she rose unsteadily to her feet, tossing the unhealthy food in the trash can without any remorse. she grinned. how she wished everything was this easy.
in a lethargic state, she went to the bathroom, and faced her reflection in the bronze framed mirror. the same old mirror she avoided as many times as she could, afraid to confront the image she showed to the world. was it true, did she really look— lifeless ? the sight she was having right now gave her a solid answer.
she barely recognised herself.
she had become thinner. her slender fingers shakily traced the outline of her angular face. her jaw was sharper. her exposed clavicles, more prominent. she grazed her once luscious hair, now thin and awfully tangled. her heart sank deeper as she remembered how everyone used to compliment her hair. it had been quite a time since... her eyes, her eyes were strangely calm. the glow they held had completely faded away. even the color she inherited from her mother seemed less vibrant. as if her vital energy had been sucked out of her.
"i can't do this to myself, it has to stop"
—
