Whirlwind

10

Author's Note: I just want it to be known that this story was written between 2014-2016 and has not been edited since then.  With that being said, there may be several errors here and there, so forgive me. I never got around to editing it the way I intended. Regardless, I hope whoever reads will enjoy what this story became and was during it's prime over on Tumblr, LOL.

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[Lamarr]

The smoke in the room clouded not only my vision but my thoughts. Why the fuck do I agree to share a session with all these niggas? Knowing damn well once the liquor starts flowing, they light some marijuana and bring in the random women that seemed like a complementary side with it, I wouldn't be able to center my attention to where it needed to be. It didn't help that my head was already scattered these last couple of days when it should have been focused on completing this album.

 I had a deadline from the label for the end of 2014, but the way shit was playing out, it would have to be pushed back. I hated disappointing the label representatives and more than anything myself, but I didn't want to release some shit that was far from respectable to hip hop and Lamarr Cole.

My last album Born Sinner  had more success than I anticipated, the songs were worthy enough according to my standards to be on an album and good enough to gain radio play. All three singles rose to the top of several charts while the tour profited thousands on the American and UK leg. This all proved that my fan base had grown and I still had that buzz from my mixtapes and first album. I felt on top of the world, every acclamation added to my belt of many had me feeling myself. Even with the lack of Grammy wins that I swore I deserved, that ain't stop me, nothing could.

Along with these victories though, I was introduced to new heights of the industry, the ones you only get to relish once a certain level of success is reached. I dodged the sophomore jinx and in return made more money, bought more chains, fucked more women and unbeknownst to my fans, lost the Cole who first came into this business. See, that's something they don't warn you about. That once you gain something, you lose a part of yourself. I had long lost my drive to write verses as those from my old projects, all my new production attempts were sounding like crap and I simply didn't have the push I needed to change it. My mind just wasn't where it needed to be, neither was my heart. Shit, I wasn't where I needed to be. Everything about me from my character, to my actions were a pitch black. I was alive and damn sure living but I didn't feel like it physically.

"Fam, you been messing around with this track for two hours now and it still sounds the same. Maybe you should pull one from your laptop and use it."

"Nah, those shits are from either last year or older than that. I wanna try something new and different."

"It's not like anybody heard them outside of us. To the world they will be new and different." I sucked my teeth and flashed a blank stare toward Ib while he damn near pressured me to take the easy way out.

Even if I wasn't in the same creative place I used to be I still wanted to at least try. It's not usual that I feel up to par enough to do so anyways but at this moment that was had quickly come and slowly fading, I did. There had to be something I could do that would spark that old feel but not if he kept forcing me to do otherwise. Ib didn't make the music so he wouldn't get it. He doesn't know what it feels like to be musically incompetent, to feel like you'll never be a good as your last but knowing you had no choice but to be. His job was to find the talent and market it not create it and build an image. That lied upon me.