Whirlwind

37

[Riley]

Vibes and good vibes only was officially my new saying. A spiritual proverb I would forever implement into my life because it seemed by living by it, good things were unfolding. Unfolding perfectly with the right people around to help me savor each moment and with peace. It wasn't always this easy though, emitting positive energy out into the world and accepting it with open arms once given back. This simplistic process was a learning one that took me years to adjust to. To be precise, it probably took, at maximum, a long ten and exhausting years. And though that was entirely too long according to my timing and liking, I wouldn't have hastened the process not once.

What little sense of self I believed I had as a teenager quickly disappeared into thin air sometime around nineteen. I was confused with who Riley was, what she wanted, who she wanted and I was busy looking for the answers to my life in a list of ridiculous things all because I figured I needed to have it all figured out; in new hairstyles, trendy and dare I say now hideous clothes, immature guys who would later break my heart and construe my beliefs on relationships, and anything else that seemed as though it held plausible answers.

Time after time, year after year I found myself going in circles, becoming discouraged that I was coming up short every time. That's when my mindset darkened and negativity blurred possibilities. Then to rub salt into this wound that had been open for so long, life threw more bullshit in my path. Regardless, I dealt with it all and I kept pushing and holding onto empty words those around me would try to force into my brain. And even when I did begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, ounces of doubt managed to put me back at square one. It was blocking me from being optimistic and blinding me from the little things that were actually blessings in the midst of what felt like hell.

Not anymore though. I take all my losses with a grain of salt and again even if it does sound cliché, I keep my head up while speaking positivity into everything. I also accept the karma that comes back to me, good that is, and the biggest one yet has been love.

I'm currently exhausted, hungry as hell, stressed beyond description per usual but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I'm also driving around Los Angeles in my brand new Audi RS 7, soaking in seventy degree weather with the sunroof wide open. My freshly blown out hair is blustering in the wind, anticipating the heat to sweat it out and shrivel it back into its natural state as I sit beside one of my best friends. I've never felt so free, so happy and in love. In love with myself, where I am in life and with someone who knows how frustrating I am yet loves me back. At twenty nine I can genuinely say the journey was worth it and I am good.

"Wait, wait tell me you remember this one!" I shouted over the heavy gusts clashing with the music blaring from the speakers in every other corner. The manufactures had this compact car sounding like a stadium the way Bose equipped it to be, and Donovan and I were loving every second of it as we trickled down memory lane.

This nostalgic playlist I created last night on Apple Music while resting, and what soon became prolonged boredom, held so many tracks him and I as well as Leslie found comfort in while in college. Some came along and changed our lives or set the tone of old memories, but either way they were and still are special to us. So much that I was barely keeping my eyes on the road from time to time as I recalled the past and felt the need to scroll down the list to help Donovan recall it too.

"This one!" I repeated in the same excited pitch, just in time for the Cool & Dre produced track to begin while 50 Cent and myself began revving up the launch of one of his most unforgettable verses. 

"Comin' up I was confused, my mama kissing a girl. Confusion occurs coming up in the cold world. Daddy ain't around, probably out committing felonies, my favorite rapper used to sing 'Check, Check Out My Melody'. I wanna live good so shit, I sell dope for a four finger ring, one of them gold ropes. Nana told me if I pass could get a sheep skin coat. If I can move a few packs and get the hat, now that'd be dope. Tossed and turned in my sleep that night, woke up the next morning niggas done stole my bike. Different day, same shit, ain't nothing good in the hood. I'd run away from this bitch and never come back if I could."