Whirlwind

51

[Riley]

"I'm hanging up on you."

"No, wait!" Lamarr sputtered as the line fell silent for exactly seven seconds, right before he continued to be the jerk that he is and harass me. "You sure you don't want me to buy you these pack of granny panties? They got these bad boys on sale for $9.99. I can grab you the floral pattern ones and then the OG pink and white silk ones. I happen to think they'd look sexy as fuck on you."

"Alright, screw this conversation and you. I'm officially offended by your swamp nymph looking ass." I heckled, inching my way closer to my office as his hysterical laughing filtered through the receiver and my eyes rolled around in my head. 

Ever since this morning Lamarr had been taunting me about buying underwear that either fit looser or were made with more material than the ones I already owned, and it was all sparked by one mishap with a pair of lace hipsters I'm sure had shrunk in the washer. Now suddenly I was fat, annoyed and needed high waist briefs that I'm positive every grandma in this world wears faithfully.

"Yo! Did you just refer to me as a mythological sea creature?" Lamarr continued to cackle as I pushed my way through the door and tossed my purse and messenger bag down. "You're real clever with the comebacks these days, you know?"

"I'm very aware, and now you're dismissed, Bert. Actually, don't even dare come home tonight after Mike's party and if you do, you can sleep on the balcony. The couch and other side of the bed are off limits."

"Come on, Smurfette. It was all jokes and you know that."

His reasoning fell on deaf ears though. "Nope," I said solemnly, plopping down in my seat and reclined back as I kicked my shoes off under my desk. "And nope again."

"Ry."

"No."

"Riley."

"Hell to the no." I stated firmly as Lamarr sighed on the other end, and as inaudible as a smirk is I could still hear it curving along his lips as he pressed on.

"Baby girl..."

"You hurt my feelings, Lamarr. You practically called me obese and I'm not!" I argued as he chuckled, hearty enough for me to be slighted once again. "And you're still laughing like my feelings are some kind of comic relief, you dickhead."

"I'm laughing at these names you're calling me and maybe even how sensitive you're being right now or for the last two weeks at that." That fact alone drew out a sharp suck of my teeth as I scrunched my face up and imagined how insane Lamarr had probably made me out to be with all these mood swings. I could still care less. "You're not obese, and even if you were I'd still love your mean ass the same way that I do now. So shut up and tell me do you want these granny panties, woman."

"No thank you. Just leave them there where they belong and hidden on a back shelf for the sake of other women who come in that store. However, there is something you can buy me. Another bra to be exact," I bargained, waiting patiently for the moment to keep sweet-talking him into doing me a real favor unlike his own. "I think I need a size up, softer material and no underwire. Either these bad boys grew or the sensitivity in my nipples and this swelling is giving me the illusion of growth."

"Aight, so what size do you need? Because you're already like a C cup, right?" Lamarr questioned with I'm sure a muddled expression contorting his face while I sat with my brow raised, and nonetheless impressed that he was indeed correct.

"Yeah, a 32 C, actually. How'd you know that?"

"Well, I have touched them several times, squeezed them, suc—"